heartfelt

      Finally, the course had came to an end... Adv. MSET... a ITE paper... hmm... think have a few mistakes... but passing shouldn't be a problem... managed to concentrate on the paper... though i still feel like vomiting even till afternoon... haiz...

      Went Chong Pang for Nasi Lemak with Terence, Jq, Dz & Kek... not too bad lar... though Dz say Punggol taste better... After that i had free 'dumplings' from Ek's mum... haha... Not bad... After that we went to meet Summer & friends... for ktv... sing a few song before took a cab & rush back home... as i promise Kang & Jx for a game of Warcraft... but it seems too late after i finish patching... played awhile... which we did not even finish a game... sad... i guess its fated... wonder if i am the one that lag them... hmm...

      Told Jq & Dz about how i feel on 'the actions' but of course, nothing was expected from them... as they respect my actions... hence never really react that strongly... hmm... so im still feeling ok... and Thx Jin for the wonderful AfterEight chocolate... sweet in the mouth... warmth in the heart... haha... i do need something then... and that is the one...

sick

      Today's MSET was pretty boring... learn little... but get to drive LR for awhile when troubleshooting another 3 LR... stayed in the air-con room for almost the whole day...

      Not feeling well in the morning... Not knowing why... but feel like vomiting... or i actually did vomit... once... i keep drinking water to keep myself 'clear'... but i went to toilet countless times... haha... i guess water keep your urine 'clear' too... Not much appetite... i guess i am sick ba...

      Just installed Frozen Throne (thanks to Jx), Red Alert 2 (thanks to Dz)... but as for Yuri's Revenge... i don't have the CD-key... hence not installed yet...

      Things seems to be ongoing for awhile... had been forcing myself to look normal... but i guess, i succeed... haha... or at least do look normal ba... i tried to keep myself busy so as not to think too much... but when i'm back alone... thoughts began pouring in again...

first day

      First day of Adv. MSET and i felt sian already... we were seated ard 8am and only begin to move into groups around 9am... which is a wastage of time... not enough rest as this Adv. MSET's environment had totally changed, compared to Basic MSET... All instructor, apart from two, are new faces... pretty strict rules are enforced... i feel there are pros & cons though... shalln't elaborate that...

      At times, i felt that what's the point of clearing your unhappiness when there is no turning of events... hmm... sometimes disappointment will result in having lesser motivation to ask question ba... if a student ask 10 questions to a teacher & the teacher in return failed to reply any of them... Do you think a student will ask again? if i am the student... i'll simply keep quiet...

      Feeling the problem lies in me... what can i do? Since i observed that no matter how much i said... things will improve only for the following two days... and no more... i guess its the CSM case... maybe its just me... so if myself did not change... i will feel that all around me wasn't what i wanted it to be... feeling tired yet no mood for sleep... need to force myself again...

      Perhaps... just that he or they don't really cares...

flames

      Just two days in Jurong... Booked out for Adv. MSET in Sembawang Camp for the next 3 days... will be staying out... Before booking out, we had Detachment lessons... TSD most tiring as their lesson was directly after SOC... RID? only stress as CO came over and have a look follow by a 'why RID is important' talk... hmm...

      SOC was indeed tiring... especially with Gortex... and two full bottles... you can 'feel' it... At first i wanted to have a run when i reached home... but seems that i was not having the mood... maybe tiredness and mini things that happen in camp makes me lose morale ba...

      Different people have different characters and hence deal things differently... what i view as actions that i use being closer to the person end up become a taboo action... hmm... sound ironic? hmm... for those who know me... i always place my hand at another person shoulder (seldom on girls though) but i guess to a small group of people... i am actually killing their 3 flames... its some chinese saying... Reason given as pan-dang... maybe i shall stop the motion ba... and keep my hands to myself...

      Even though what Terence may be right... saying that they are just joking... but it seems like its for real... so i guess i can only be unhappy within myself ba... sian... don't know what to say lar... just feeling down... disappointed... whatever...

      Need to go and visit 10 NSmen houses stretching from Yio Chu Kang Rd to Punggol... on SAT's 8-10pm... can i do it? hope so...

gathering

      Qiang's grandparent's place was pretty easy to find but due to the inadequate description... haha... but thankfully, i had a mild impression about the location... so i can ask my dad to stop at the junction before making a U-turn and head back to search for it...

      Singapore was indeed small... i saw my attachment partner from NYP who happens to be in the same camp with Qiang... and they also know Alvin... my Jaguar's section mate... Its been a long time since we last met... so i guess its nice to see them again... Afterwhich, we went to Ktv @ Cuppage till 4am... its really very tiring... Anyhow, i think my voice & Hanwei's compliment each other... nice and harmonious... now i could still feel the tiredness...

      Then went to meet Photonics people... haha... My study budz... All are clever ass... oOops... i mean smart people... HM, CLC & gf, WP, FP & one of their friend, WH.... We watch the movie starring Karen Mok & Andy Lau... not bad actually ... pretty touching... a few of us almost cried... haha... Anyhow... the kids are simply cute... haha.. especially the one acting like andy & his little brother.... After that we had a few pool games before i leave them... They are pretty good... me? simply lucky... haha...

      Alright... need to go le... need to entertain my young little cousin, Berwin le...

Children Day

      its Children Day... so... HAPPY CHILDREN DAY~! its been 10 years since i last celebrate Children Day... haha... can still remember those times we get off during school day and celebrate in Hall as a school... haha... oh ya... Happy Birthday, Qiang... going Qiang's celebration later...

      Everything had turned out to be fine... things had been sorted out... hence i am feeling so much more relieved and glad... pretty happy now... hehe... silly me, isn't it?! Sorry... but that's simply me... haha... Though still feeling a little weak & stomach not really recovered... but i guess i'm feeling better le... my eye's condition has not improve yet... think it will take some days...

      Busy burning out songs or anime out from pc... 'cos pc disk space low... haha... still wonder we don't have much game... and why is the pc lack of space... Minusing the anime... hmm... where is the rest of the 10GB space? haha... me just s**ks in everything...

      Alright... preparing to go to Qiang's grandma's place le...

Lonely

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo, this one here goes out to all my players out there man, ya know
Got to have one good girl whose always been there man like, ya Know
Took all the bullshit then one day
She cant take it no more and decides to leave
I wont up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side,
Coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was deenin,
So I hadda take a little ride,
Back tracking over these few years,
Trying figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
'Cos ever since my girl left me,
My whole left life came crashin'...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Can't believe I had a girl like you
And I just let you walk right out of my life,
After all I put u thru u still stuck around and stayed by my side,
What really hurt me is I broke ur heart,
Baby you were a good girl and I had no right,
I really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl
that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run
And I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be,
Aint noone in the globe id rather see
Then the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now so lonely...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Never thought that id be alone,
I didnt hope you'd be gone this long,
I jus want u to come home,
so stop playing girl and Come on home come on home,
baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out,
I never wished Id ever Hurt my baby,
and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
Mr. Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
So lonely, Mr. Lonely...

tough & sick

      a rather tiring week... not been feeling very well... having stomachache, though not severe... and headache for the past few days... nauseous & lost of appetite too... hmm... guess im on my way to lose more pounds... haha... couldn't concentrate on stuff i do too... like the parade...

      i couldn't concentrate much during the rehearsals... and had to force myself to concentrate on the actual parade to minimize my mistake to some minor one... that could be covered up... during the rehearsal, i had been bombarded with comments, scoldings etc... since the very beginning of the SAR21 Drill... most of us used 3-4days to perfect the drills & parade... so i guess... a round of applause for all the marching contigents esp. 3SIG after having two COC in one week... tough, huh!?!

      if i appeared naggy in front of you guys, i do all these for your own good... i hope i do help a little by changing your bad habits... i have too... i am trying my best to change too... e.g. shaking of legs... Samuel keep reminding me to stop shaking... and i did... when he around though... :x but i know he meant well... and many people told me likewise... so i am trying to change... though its slightly difficult to do it all alone... so i thought that a gentle reminder could do no harm... even if you guys hate me for that... haha... but i'm okay as long as you changed for good...

      i guess 'once hurt twice shy' theory had caused me to have someone dislike my behaviour... i had lost two once-close friendship... even though back in talking terms in both occassions... the after-effects still do affect my life... afraid that i would lose another one... Maybe i tried too hard... maybe im too sensitive... maybe i'm too weak & dependent... why would these things happens to anyone else? A question that i once been thinking and was reminded by Dz... i guess my character had a serious problem... Once my greatest asset, my eyes... may just turn out to be my weakest point... this is also the reason for me to speak more freely in front of the pc or through the phone...

      Maybe you guys had heard it many times... but all i'm showing is care... i do care... and i am worried... but maybe i'm over-zealous... and caused negative effects... as long as you guys are living happily... i'll be happy... no matter how i'm treated... 'cos i always believed that only true friends can tolerate one's angst... bring it on...

Jaguar Rox

      What an outing... 1 NSPI, 3 Officers, 3 Specialists (1 regular)... and i am the only MAN there... sian right? haha... but having them serve me food is simply rare... haha... when will u get officers & specs to serve u food... haha... they are my friends from Jaguar... a few more were not available today... Moreover... it marks exactly one year since i POP from Tekong... YahooO~!

      i'm the only one late... yet they all treat me like big boss... haha... yapz... they treat me very good... so happy to see them... i do miss them... oh ya... my darling was there... hehe... if u saw the testimonials of mine in friendster... you would know who my darling is... so glad that they are all 'alive' haha...

      We had Dim Sum Buffet @ Tea House (i think) before head for LAN games in Far East... Dim Sum's variety was so-so... but still we enjoy chatting... haha... As for LAN... we had fun too... but my pc a little laggy at times...

      Weizhi told us about the incident where he was stabbed when working in GV Jurong Point... before army... but yet... the police is doing nothing... its a sad case... hearing that Singapore still have this kind of stuff... and of course... i found out some dark side facts from this outing too... make me lose faith a little with Singapore's security...

      Most importantly he survived from that incident... if i were him... i might be shocked for life... haha...

hectic week

      A rather hectic week for me... After being 'demoted' to the reserve squad.. :x for the CO's COC parade... and being 'marked' by CSM... i moved on and be involved in making two banner... for the event as well... so-called under 'Farewell' category as my PC is in-charge...

      Didn't had mood for the parade and also being misunderstood by CSM for one action... but glad that the rest all understand my part... so i wasn't that sad... Command was given wrongly, hence i didn't move... but the rest of the 4 contigents moved... so i'm at fault... if it was those days... i might be sad for being picked out... haha... alot of us was out of the squad... including Dz & Jx (84 & 82)... 3 of our rifle coincidentally formed... 82... 84... 86... haha...

      Out of parade, i was asked to do banner on WED night... i ended up do till wee hours... special thanks to Jx, Dz & TH... they came down to the office to help me... or else, i might took longer... we finished the drawing of banner at 3.30am... and the next day i do a simpler one and stop work at 12.25am... 2LT Wu was doing by himself... hence TH asked if i can go down with him to help.. and we did... Both banners received praises... 2nd banner received more help... from N33/39...

      I had always tried to accept TH... and i guess this incident build a bridge... Tian Shi, Di Li, Ren He... Although we are back to talking terms... i still need time to fully accept him... give me time... i had been trying very hard... trust me... Some conflicts or, more likely should be called, misunderstanding in between... but glad that cleared out just now... If Jx never reply my message... i might felt worse...

      Felt tired... sad... scared... on my way home... especially when Dz was too tired & fell asleep... i was back alone... had been thinking alot... but its all over... like Jx say... i even thought of posting a 'close friend' post to say my disappointment... but its cleared... i guess we are just people who can't express ourselves well... i guess i should be more open to him & express more to the people around me... i've learned... and still learning... and i will definitely be a better man...

      "Human normally will show more temper to people he is closer with... 'cos he know that they will always forgive them..." its from Channel 8, 9pm show... i totally agree and to me, i guess, is always "he/she expect more from people he/she is close with... hence react differently towards them"

      i felt so relieved and happy to clear my unhappiness... hehe...