next stop...

      Moments of sadness has to come to an end... It is time for me to move on. No more tears. i do not think Jeremy will want us to be be sad. He inspires us in a lot of ways. Like what Jannah said during his wake. To me, i had learned to live the dreams... live with more passion... Bring more laughters to people around me... Do what the dead no longer can do... I do hope... i can succeed what Jeremy had left. Continue his fine job well...

      First up, the New Year Countdown. Last year, due to my work commitment & refusal to be an organizer for events, Jeremy was solely in-charge of food while Jocelyn plays the aliasing roles. This year, i decided to take the charge & hopefully can be as good as Jeremy do. He was great as i heard that he single-handedly get all the groceries needed & settle our BBQ. This year, he no longer around to do these chores... I guess, it should be the time i return... *laugh* Back to what i used to do, organize this small gathering. When was the last time i took over from him... hmm... its being Poly class rep in year 2.

      I gained a little bit of experience after co-hosting Feb's & Aug's KW Chalet. Know what food to get, what to avoid... How to choose between cheaper brands etc. I even BBQ myself for the first time in AUG. So December's BBQ will mark my year of return to the field *standing proud*. Alright, enough nonsense. But after a tiresome period of time, i really waiting to enjoy whatever i can. Upcoming HK trip, Dec's BBQ & in-planning Feb's Resort trip... I am downright busy since weeks ago. But i am happily busy. In between, there is Chinese New Year & Army Reservist.

      In short, i changed a little my perspective of life. Aiming to change my mindset a little & hopefully can return to the fun loving self... shedding the uncle image i grown after becoming a leader. *laugh*

Jeremy Goh Tze Xiong (1983-2007)

For the past 3 days, i was feeling lost & trying to maintained my composure. I guess i did well till i saw his photos or having a chat with my various friends through phone. Recapping on poly days, how outgoing or cheerful Jeremy is... it is never easy for us to accept this fact... that he left us.

I guess if you had been reading news or watching it on TV, you should had heard about this freak incident. Yes, it appears in all newspaper headlines for last 3 days. And its unfortunate that my friend was one of them... unfortunate that 5 young lads lads left their family & friends without having their last words. I took a while before i can type this post. One of the deceased is Reuben Kee, whom was representing Singapore as Mr Singapore this year. Apart from Jeremy & Reuben, the rest of them are Mr Chee Wei Cheng, 20, Mr Stephen Loh Soon Ann, 31, and Mr Poh Boon San, 27.

Smiles on Jeremy

Jeremy was always a role model in our poly days. He always fool around and entertained us with his cold jokes or funny movements. Never do we had a minute with him around, feeling bored. Despite his initial hiccups in his studies, he did not give up hope & achieved commendable results. One of the better students who really enjoy life to the fullest. He is our fashion icon too. Never did we see him come to school in repeated clothes, at least for that week. He is popular with everyone, our 1st year class rep, someone who know what he wanted.

He was a fit guy, a passionate dragonboat racer

Reading comments from his friends in the newspapers, i can't control my tears even though i am in MRT. He wanted to have a girlfriend but his schedule between work, trainings & studies simply couldn't allow him to. This incident stopped him from finishing his studies or fulfill his dreams. What hit me the most was... early this month, we were attending a friend's wedding dinner with my poly mates... all laughters & cheers... but now the month ended in a solemn note.

The last toast

We are still talking about the good old days then. How i became their nanny, helping them in studies or even cleaning his vomit on a cabby when he was drunk. Honestly, now, i didn't mind doing it again and again if it could bring him back to us. He is always the joker of our group. After that incident of being drunk, making a fool of himself, he try hard not to get drunk in front of us anymore. Actually, he is a great guy. Someone who can juggle between work & studies, know when to play hard, when to be serious...

 Our last dinner, Yiliang's Wedding

But i guess, i shouldn't be down too much as he may not want us too. i still had to be strong to others who equally shocked. This day will never be the same from now on as... it belongs to our dear friend, Jeremy... At the very least, his body is recovered and will be back in Singapore... and the fact that he leave with honours & passion for his sport. Jeremy, Rest in peace....


The Last Goodbye: Boon San, Jeremy & Reuben I managed to get the 3 NYP Alumna's Profile:
+ Jeremy Goh, 24 click here
   - In remembrance of Jeremy click here
   - A Tribute to Jeremy click here
+ Boon San, 27 click here
+ Reuben Kee, 23 click here
   - His music & profile click here

Obstacles Everyday

      Recently, i faced obstacles and unhappiness almost everyday. I made mistakes at work, having to redo my report due to error at MS Excel etc. I even lost my handphone due to my carelessness... but if i think positively, i should be rather glad that its my phone rather than my mp3 player, though my handphone cost more.

      I wore a jacket that has a pretty shallow pocket. One contains my handphone, the other conatins my mp3. My creative mp3 player, though bought during a promotion, is more valuable as me & my buddy bought it together. Hence i may be more depressed if i lost this. Each own one. As for my phone, i bought it merely two months ago. I was real depress when i found that i, once again, lost my phone... I had been losing phone for a few times, making me feeling rather insecure of getting another one. To get a cheap one, its like pathetic or mistreat myself... To get a good one, how long can i keep it? Losing bits of confidence...

      Thankfully, Rick,Jun Hao & Cai Lei cheered me up. We were on our way to Kbox @Hougang Plaza. Maybe its due to my sadness, i wowed the three with my renditions of those songs i sang. They are pretty impressed that i sound different from 'live' (during work). Throughout the journey, Cai Lei keep on cheering me & consoling me. Haiz... but though i still feel sad over losing of a phone, I felt slightly better after that. Now... only afraid of my getting scolded by my parents.

      All as expected, i get grumbling & 'reminding' from my parents, the minute i stepped home. But it didn't last long though. I believe they feel that i was unhappiness enough le... So they toned down a little. But they still 'reminding' me to go stop the line, ask me where or how i lost it etc. What a nuisance~! But its all over...

      Recently, Cheng Jing injured her leg over some freak incident. Other team leader and more experienced staff had to take over her duties and work OT. Me being the only one available from Team A, will cover her duties for two days. I feel that it may increase IF she are to apply more days to rest. Looking forward for my break in December~!!!

short updates

      Posh hotel. Nice food. But yet average service. This is how i feel after attending the wedding dinner of my classmate, Yiliang's. It is always good to see your friend getting married. Their photos was being displayed there. Hmm... What can you expect from a 5-digits package? The style of the photographer was indeed good. It captures the emotions of the model, opps.. i mean the newly-wed.

      Yiliang is always charming among us, while his wife is a pretty SIA air-stewardess. Hence, we are almost like looking at ads or professionals when viewing the photos. They are a great couple. But somehow or rather, i feel that Yiliang do not seems to be extremely excited. Its just my senses. Anyway, its like a class gathering for us as these group of friends came.

      The ambiance of of the restaurant was great. I am in the mood for love *laugh* Everything was great though its expensive, definitely. But it was a let down by fielding an inexperience staff to serve us. Not only she was slow, she was rough (you can hear the plates when she put down on the glass table)... Her face was dark (as if we killed her parents). Hmm, she should practice more and be more polite should she wants to stay in this line. I would grade her 'F' even if she is a new staff. Totally do not deserve my sympathy.

      I also noticed something. I actually not FAT to that extend of wanting to slim down. Hence, i decided to change my aim from "slimming down" to "shaping my body". I need to begin my training soon after for my IPPT before my window close. Thanks Dingze for being there when i sudden felt uneasy. *muakz*

High & Lows

      What a day... From enjoyment in kTv with my good friends... till FINALLY gotten the slightly-more-formal shirt for the upcoming wedding dinner of Yiliang's. Its gonna be the 2nd wedding dinner i went to for my friends... Erm the counting exclude HanKeong's, as i would be expecting another one due next year from him. Don't get me wrong, i am not saying that he will be re-marrying... Just that his official wedding dinner should be next year.

      To me, being able to attend my friend's wedding dinner is a form of well-wishes i wanted to give them. Being invited, its an honor. It meant that you are holding a certain position, be it a close friend or buddy, in the person's heart. It meant that you earn or did enough to get his respect for you as a person. Its certainly a great happiness to see my friend getting hitched and having that wonderful smile from their face. I hope to attend more~!! But don't expect me to be the main lead myself as i don't see myself in that shoes, in the near future.

      When buying the shirt, i was commented more young than a younger friend of mine. Though it supposed to be a sales action by the lady salesperson, i, of course, felt happy by hearing it. But sadly, when i went back Fairprice today, two of my ex-superior Iris & Ms Koh commented that i look shag and old, even having a more wrinkles than her 50+ years old face. Its kinda sad but actually i noticed it myself. Been asking myself, why am i getting older each day. Its okay. I still need to gear myself up for the upcoming event. Hoping to 'WOW' my friends attending. *laugh*

      It seems like bad things didn't stop at the right time. After all of us feeling down over comments by others, we get a shocked at Swensen's@Thomson Plaza. As usual, we ordered a regular Earthquake with some new flavours & 2 bowls of deep friend mushrooms. Earthquake was rather normal with those nice flavors, new and old. As for the mushrooms, that was... *vomited* Felt uneasy, coming to think of it... Imagine this....

Swensen's Deep Fried Mushrooms with Hair

Not one mushroom but TWO~!

      Yes~! Two mushrooms was caught with hair. Curly, some more~!! Imagine how we felt. And guess what the shop reactions? The waiter took these two mushrooms into the kitchen, showing to the manager. After that, he return and offer us a new plate. How could we still eat that thing? Imagine, we saw it only at the last two pieces. We could never know how many of those (with hair) did we ate~!! After that, the manager did not even come out and apologise. We decided to leave, despite unhappiness. Before our payment, the manager came to us without much sincerity and offer to give us 10% discount (HSBC discount was used). The discount was merely $4. Is this the service you expected from a well-reputed restaurant, Swensen's?

      Next time, before i dine at Swensen's i would think twice. I felt ashame telling people that i worked there before, even its merely for a month plus. Yucks *felt uneasy again*

Considering Retirement

      Actually, i meant what i said. I was rather devastated when i couldn't bowl properly yesterday. My finger is no longer the problem. But can you imagine that i actually scared of bowling a hook ball? My finger did not feel any pain after the bowling. Only when clenching my fist, i can feel slight pain. I hit my all time low (that i could really remember). But the fun with Jack & Dingze did made up a little. I actually feel that i will not be achieving any good results before bowling, so i did mentioned to Dingze about my retirement. *laugh*

      Apart from bowling, i couldn't really hold a tune well nowadays. Last week's KTV, i actually lost the feel to sing, the enthusiasm to sing also... What happen to me? My interest actually drops... I still wanted & interested to do well in these two areas. But seems that it couldn't be help... is it due to my tiredness? I couldn't motivate myself for exercise due to tiredness too... Alright, maybe its purely excuses... but i sure feel tired of everything. Recently, i became more solo. Staying at home, watching anime, playing pokemon... Hmm... was it bad? i don't know.

      I also went to HangMing's place for Maths revision. i am facing problem in Year 2 Polytechnic's maths. Used to do those questions with ease, now? Stuck for hours~!!! *laugh* Also lost the motivation to study, or should i say... don't know how to begin. I need a long break in order to be back at my peak i think... Can i really cope with University after 3-4 years of break? Beats me...

      Workload increased as now i need to lead a team of newbies, plus still perform my job well. Wonder if i could succeed. I feel that i done my best. But was my best good enough? Its for me to find out soon...

overseas

      Yesterday, i was offered to apply overseas with a good friend of mine. He is planning to quit NUS for overseas. This suggestions actually make me sit down and ask myself what i really want. Out of respect, i mentioned it to Xinyi, who i planning to study with next term. I also mentioned it to my team-mate. Both seems supportive enough and allow me to think for myself. My team mate support the idea though...

      Its a important decision to be made. Hence, its not as if i can just say 'lets go' and that's it... Financial factor, leaving the environment i am used to in 23 years, leaving my friends etc... I really consider the options. But who cares about how i think? My parents reject the idea. Initially, they 'said' to be neutral but actually, you can sense that they do not really like the idea. It really came as a surprised. I always thought that they are supportive and allow me to think for myself.

      Guess, to them, i am not old enough to think for myself. I am not disappointed that i couldn't join Xiao Ming but more over the fact i am not trust to think for myself. I telling them since they are my parents and wanting to hear their comments. But instead of being general or neutral... they start from doubting my willingness to study, my friend's character etc. Its is so selfish of them. FINE~! i am not from a wealthy family... BUT trust me... one day, soon, i will go out and strive a life for myself. I had enough of this environment i am in.

     It is not a willful comments or whatsoever. I had thought about it since last time. If not because of the financial factor... i may apply for overseas with him. Now, i can only apply local university and not even assured that i can get in. They are naive enough to say 'try again this year'. i had tried 4 consecutive years, not enough? how much more should i wait? or waste? Do they know how i feel after being rejected again & again. All they know is asked if i get in... that;s all... Totally not in the mood for anything else. Its a poor step i made to ask them so early before making my own decision even though i suppose to inform them...

      Study overseas have its pros & cons. I am still weighing which side is heavier... Its a golden opportunity to learn & grow independently. Moreover, now that a friend is with me, minus the potential of being lonely. I always wanted to move out and strive hard. Staying in hostel is one of the reason going to local university also. Hence, i really take this seriously when it first came up. Nevermind, whatever i think no longer hold any importance anymore.

      Sorry ming, i really do hope you can remain in NUS. Its hard if you going alone. But no matter what, i respect your decision. For me, i have no rights to make any choices.

哈蜜瓜

      Just read an interesting email... it is about what your name can tell you regarding your character. Though I do not know how accurate it can be, no harm trying... isn't it? yapz... i am Rock Melon

瓶颈

     我发现到... 这一两个星期，对我而言，并不是很好过...怎么说好呢? Hmm... 最近，在工作方面于同事有一点点冲突... 工作遇到了瓶颈... 常常设法鼓励自己往前冲... 上个星期的SPC Basic Training其实还挺不错的。除了让我能在工作上暂时换个环境，也同时让我有个学习向上的机会。其实我周遭的人并不了解我的心情。对他们来说，我是在逃避... 逃避我的工作... 不想做工。虽然挺伤心，失望... 但没办法，他们根本算不上是我的朋友，对我的了解可说少之又少。。。

      昨晚，在职晚班的时候，再次遇到了一些问题。与新人合作...的确还是不行。其实我并不怪她，突发的状况，谁也难以应付，更何况她是新人。她帮了我不少忙。我现在只能希望Angie能了明白我们的痛苦，而别纯粹只凭Shift Report就断定我们的工作能力。哈哈~~ 其实现在的我，也不管这么多了。收到e-mail也是很平常的。若没收到，才是稀奇的。

      很奇怪耶~！我周围的朋友们好像都遇到了不少的麻烦与苦恼。有的在人际方面遇上了问题... 有的是家人身体不适，需要检查与治疗... 有的甚至遇到公众的批评，走到哪? 讲到哪... 令人操心。虽然我感到很高兴，大家都把我当成好朋友，可信的人。否则，他们也不会打电话给我，跟我诉苦等。但实际上，我相当的伤心，为何他们个个都会遇到这些不开心的事。我已做我能做的一切，现在只能祈祷大家能早日度过难关。

      经过这些事情后，我察觉到...。我又成长了。能更清楚的看待整个事件的情形，而不会感情用事的做出任何的举动。好了好了...跟大家所遇到的问题比起来，我的算什么嘛！我会在工作岗位上，再接再励，直到我真正离开的那一天。所以大家和我一同努力吧~！加油~！加油~！

The Happy-Go-Lucky One

Sagittarius : The Happy-Go-Lucky One

Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

     Just received the above email. Looks like kinda true... with so many negative points being listed out... its the first time. Suddenly seems like, my character aren't that good as well... recently, detest myself even more le... don't know why... Maybe just tired of my current lifestyle.

     Tomorrow will be the first day after my colleague, Hnin Ko left the company. Kinda sad though i had cover her duties at times... now pairing up with a newcomer... i wonder if i can perform as a leader. With the tension between Tony increasing invisibly, we shall see if i can overcome all the unhappiness and return my focus at work.

     Recently, body is weakened. Feeling rather lethargic, tired & fat... haha... I also don't know why. No more motivation to exercise despite setting two timeline for myself. Have to motivate myself. Sleep almost every day i reach home from night shift. Once on bed, dozed off... first time like that... Maybe i am really tired despite workload was relatively easy last night shift.

     Engaged into Pokemon Emerald recently. Its more fun playing along with a few friends. Oh... managed to finish Nat's gift in a day time. Planning starts from night & start working on it the next day. Impressive, i say to myself. But being a perfectionist myself, i noticed many flaws. But i only have material and time for one try. So... i have to leave it that way then.