人变。物变。我...变。

回营受训的第一天，见到的都是熟悉的面孔，熟悉的环境，但感觉似乎有一些些的不同了。虽然很高兴能再次和久违的朋友叙叙旧，但还是有一小部分的我在提醒自己，今日已不同往日了。大家已不再是当时那吊儿郎当的少年，现在的我们，个个都是为自己的理想奋斗的勇者。那我呢?变了吗?

一直以来，都被人视为一个长不大，幼稚，不会想的小孩。可说是一个在思想方面，不被认可的人。而近期，我觉得周围的人都变得更不像我当时认识的人了。静静地思考了一段时间，观察了周遭的人与事，发现我。。。也变了。。

我已经回到要求完美的伟亮。当然，因为周围的人也已在变化当中，感觉更加强烈。一向以最真诚的心去对待所有的人的我，发现有些友人的动作似乎变得超假。也许过于表现自己的关系吧，使得我对他们有一些些的反感。虽然还称不上讨厌，但对他人的态度有明显的变化。

我也早已不是当时容易被欺负或忧柔寡断的自己了。不喜欢的事情，就是不喜欢。有时想想，友人的埋怨合不合理呢?比他们有更多埋怨的人，多得数不清。自己好像也有对自己生活不满的埋怨，但都能忍气吞声，也能继续生存下去了，为何其他人不能呢?偶尔埋埋怨，没什么不好。但若常常发生，听的人不觉得累，说的人不累吗?哈哈。

现在的我，只能说心情蛮沉闷的。也许是有点精疲力尽了吧...

朋友满天下　知音有几人

俗语说的好，"朋友满天下　知音有几人"。即使我们能拥有全世界的人做朋友，有几个会坐下来听听你的哭诉?听你的怨言呢?不是每个都能成为所谓的‘Listener’。其实每个人都需要至少一个知音，很可惜。。。或许我没那个福份。

在每一只蜡烛上的烛光，虽能照亮每一个心房，它也是会有微弱的时刻。不是吗?当氧气不足的时刻，当蜡烛快被烧完的时候，那灿烂的灯火，不也会一闪一闪‘叫’救命吗?　要延续那灯火的寿命，我们必须拿新的蜡烛和给予足够的氧气。

更何况是人。。。

自去年的十二月起，我所走的道路就并没有那么顺畅。独自走着这条路，时不时会感到寂寞，悲伤。。。但这也是没办法的事。只怪我周遭的友人都不是‘聆听之人’，只 需要我‘听’，却不给我‘说’。嗨。阅读的你们，大可以说问题在于我。是我不把心房打开。我并不是没有尝试，只是很遗憾的，大伙们都太自我了。

在这两个多月里，我更深入的了解了独立的重要性。自己一个人，还是可以生存在这环境中。不必理会别人对你的看法，想法，只需做回自己。最原始的自己。这也是我现在最需要做的事。现在的我，早已失去那自信的一面。无论做什么事情，再也提不起劲。即使对自己以前最充满自信的歌唱，也觉得不怎么样了。

该如何说起好呢?觉得自己便胖了许多。老化许多。简说，有点讨厌自己

工作方面，压力不断的加重。也许是对自己的期望比别人对我的要求还高吧。作为领队，没两把刷子，怎能混的下去呢?在人手不足的情况下，更得撑得住气。新人来去冲冲，请的没几个达得到我们的要求。嗨。教到我快吐血了。

感情方面，还OK吧。没打算在短期内找女朋友，却有人向我表白，已被我拒绝了。看来，桃花还在为我开，可能是看我可怜吧。还是。。我魅力还在呢?

学业。我需要在几天后去考数学入学考试。完全没信心。我在两个星期前才接获通知。看了课本，对自己更是失望。以前还常说自己的数学有多好，现在。。。糟透了！！

哇！在不知不觉中写了那么多，是时候停‘笔’了。我，小亮，在大年除夕预祝各位恭喜发财，万事如意。

想太多

(Nicky 李玖哲)

你笑着说 他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔

我的不安 那么沉重
只有你不懂

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我沒有错怪了什么
虽然你不说 都是错在我
太晚我才懂 爱了你太多
OH``
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

under questioning...

      Maybe i am not suitable to be a leader... nor do i have any leadership quality. My leadership and ability was put under the limelight after failing to complete any report that i am supposed to do. But hey, i went on and checked 5-6 type of defects alright. Majority is trouble report as well... But that maybe an excuse to them. They can simply asked... why am i doing the amount more than i can handle. But wait, before i get reprimanded, what if i hand over these defect? Will i get scolding too? I guess so... at least... that's how i think...

      My remaining member is not performing well enough... He isn't suitable for FA job... our job. He is neither fast learner or fast in terms of checking & writing a report. He, himself,is planning to leave but stayed till another member is ready... on my account. He feel i helped him and feel bad if he left me alone. But still, i tried to teach what i can and handling my own defects well... maybe i am really slow... maybe i shouldn't be as hardworking... do things that i couldn't handle.

      Things hasn't been well recently, and i do expect scolding email... since i had been OT-ing for the past 3 days plus... receiving emails since i am back in Singapore. Losing enthusiasm in working... No longer looking forward at work...

      I wanted to love myself more... and i am working towards it... but guess its harder these days... till my work life improve as well... i will try NOT to hate myself... rather than love myself...

Looking back...

     Thinking back 2007... i don't feel any big achievement at all. Yes, i was promoted in June to become a leader... But that seems to be all... plus... my promotions was largely due to lack of options for my superior... i always thought so...

     Not alot of significant events that stand out in a rather plain year... wait... actually i can think of some... maybe too many things perhaps? causing my confusion... i lost track of time anyway due to shift work. There is 2 chalet i co-organised... XY's Chalet & KW's Chalet. Then i also did a few gifts for my friend's farewell & birthday... Get to know Nat... Then late 2007... there is my birthday celebration (The Amazing Race), Bowling Marathon, HongKong Trip and those gifts i received... from different people out there... some with great meanings. I also return to organising with the two chalets & New Year BBQ. The saddest event would have to be losing one of my poly clique... Jeremy... Rest in peace, bro...

     But when come to checking my resolution checklist. I failed terribly with a big 'F'... World Peace? haha i managed to do so for playing less Command & Conquer: General... but i failed to keep my weight at 60-65kg region... only get fatter & fatter... i also failed at my applications to local university... making a huge dent at my ego... haha... As for being a better person? hmm... i don't know if i achieved that... i feel i didn't...

     Hence this year... i guess resolutions doesn't work for me that well... so should i still be setting it? Let's see... what i want to achieve in 2008... I will have to work my body & keep it in shape to fit in clothes... & hopefully FINALLY get into a courses i would love to study... Changing a better job & hoping to stay happy in 2008, will be my remaining things on my wish list.

     Anyway, Happy 2008.... My dear friends...

Back to Reality

      Wasn't feeling that well... emotionally for the past few days. Since HongKong trip, i couldn't help but feel sad despite the fact that i don't look sad in front of most people. Guess of all, only Dingze & Nat or maybe Xinyi know the reason why i am rather sad during or after the trip. Never did i go into details though. Its hard to say... Don't ask, i don't know how to put it in words.

      First day of work, i received lots of complai... erm i mean comments about my team members during my leave. None of the relief-leaders wanted to work with my members again. Now then they know how i feel. *laugh* Sometimes, i do respect myself for being able to survive despite being sandwiched. But still, i can't help to despise myself for the lack of leadership & unable to train my members to be capable FA. I even received call before one of the leader reach the work place early that day and edit their reports.

      Really getting annoyed and felt like quiting after hearing news that alot of them are leaving. Some planning to go ahead of me. Its rather sad to think about my own future. Where should i be heading to? Which course or industry should i choose? What i like may not be what i could get. Not everyone is like Jianqiang or Dingze who pursue what they wanted.

      Despite feeling all down and low, i am glad that i am still useful for my fellow friends. Apart from work, i am still the old listener or people who can give-advice-without-experiencing-it-myself listener. Ironic? haha... Spend my KTV session singing abit but watch a number of mtvs. haha...

      On a lighter note, I watched Alvin & the Chipmunks yesterday. Storyline was predictable yet the chipmunks are real cool & cute... Their voice also great in the movie. Songs are nice. I love scenes in the movie like Theodore having bad dreams and the trio singing at the window pane. Enjoyed the movie TILL that idiot Wani called from workplace.

RECOUNT

      Sorry for the late posting, guys. I wasn't feeling that well after my trip to HongKong. Let's recount where we had been... Terminal 3 before we set off to hongkong... its big & spacious... Day 1... we went to Lan Tau at Ngong Ping, Citygate Shopping Center... Day 2...Wong Tai Sin's Lung Cheung Mall... Temples... Snoopy World... Apiliu Street... The Sweet Dynasty...Day 3... Stanley Market... Waterfront Bay... and many more... We seems to go alot of places? Definitely... with lots of photo shots too...

      Before we even board the airplane, we are having fun. Ashton, Dingze, Jack, Jianqiang & me stayed overnight at the airport. So-called celebrating my birthday... but... NO BIRTHDAY CAKE~!!! hmmm... but at least get a treat from mr zhang. We went to Terminal 3, which will only start functioning on 9 Jan 2008. We jump around, walk around and pee around... oops... i mean in terminal 3's toilet. We noticed a fly print at the urinal for guys. For guys to aim? hmm... but there are alot of people who didn't get marksman out there leh.

      Many people asked me. Is my trip a shopping trip or a sight-seeing trip? My answer would be 50-50. We spent almost equal time on shopping & at the same time not forgetting to see the various places. We took tonnes of photos. Since day 1, we formed the 183 Club with a personal assistant & a semi-professional/amateur photographer (self-proclaimed). Hence, there you go... we snapped everywhere we went to. We also have 3 free-lance photographer who would simply take our 'natural' shots. Alright, before everyone goes 'what?', let me introduce to our roles. Here you go:

     01. Elaine Tan, Ashton Tan's sister : Personal Assistant, Photographer-in-training
     02. Joey Ng, Ashton Tan's cousin: Tour Guide, Photographer, Manager, Image Consultant etc.
     03. Ashton Tan, the yandao: member of 183 Club, Assistant photographer
     04. Jack Heng, ah jack : member of 183 Club, Free-lance photographer
     05. Lionel Zhang, ah qiang aka the act-cool-ah-xia (rich guy): member of 183 Club
     06. Donatello Wu, ah ze aka the gentleman-looking-ah-xia: member of 183 Club, Free-lance photographer
     06. Wee Liang, xiao pang: member of 183 Club

Snoopy World@New Town Plaza

      5 different characters formed 183 Club. All have different personality. With the 2 "Bao-Ga-Liao" crew... We look good in almost all pictures. Looking at our pictures, its hard to believe we aren't the chosen ones... haha... we had enough photos to compiled into a Calendar, CD covers, Magazine covers & even Xie Zhen Ji... Hong Kong looks amazingly beautiful at night. Espically the Avenue of stars & the Peak.

Village @Lan Tau

      What is Hongkong famous for? "买东西，吃东西, 买东西，吃东西" As advertised, Hongkong is a shopping paradise, especially true for ladies. I saw lots of beautifully-styled clothes. If i had a girlfriend, i may go bankrupt. We bought alot of clothes... bargains... and ate a lot of great food... and the bad ones... Their reputable Dim Sum did not disappoint us. Soya Beancurd from The Sweet Dynasty is the highlight. Smooth and tasty. You can simply eat it without the ginger-flavored sugar syrup. It doesn't cuddles like most Singapore's version.

The Arrival of 183 Club

      We did not went to Disneyland nor Ocean Park. That is one of my disappointment. I actually looking forward to visit one of them but in the end, we did not go to any of them, due to inaccessibility & price. Anyway, other free beautiful places, more or less, did cover up a bit. So still... we took more than 1.6Gb of pictures... 183 Club looks good wherever we go, however we posed *laugh*

We look cool no matter how we sit

      To sum it up, we had a good time together. But i would be lying if i say i totally enjoyed myself. Unsure if it was due to the headaches i had or some other small matters, i did not enjoy as i had expected before the trip. But nevertheless, its good to go overseas with friends. You will get to know a lot more about them. The experience? i would give it a 7 or 7.5 out of 10.

For more photos, visit: Dingze's Photo Album

Indescribable Feelings

      its my birthday again... what a great festive season i have... I had the most happening birthday celebrations to date on Sunday... Bowling tournament ends with great results for me... & in hours time... my first travel trip to Hongkong...

      On Saturday night, 7 of us... namely Jack, Jx, Dz, Liang, Teck & me... went for the Bowling marathon @CSC, Bukit Batok. Its a great night... We enjoyed ourselves totally... it rekindles our bonds since years ago... I lowered my competitiveness since previous experience caused me to be rather unhappy... This time round... all enjoy totally... I even break my duck of scoring low... and beat my rival cum buddy come team... Dz YEAH~! Not bad for someone injured for almost a year to recover...

The Ultimate Bowling Challengers

      On Sunday, a group of friends celebrate my birthday with me... Though i need to book for the ktv myself... and decide on the dinner place myself... haha... but its okay since they made it up by putting up a great "performance" in front of me & a great day... The most happening birthday i ever had... From KTV to "Amazing Race" in Cityhall/Orchard. Imagine how much fun & laughters we had... Its almost impossible for me to write the fun we had here in words... feel it, baby~!

X'mas lightings @Marina Square

      Special Thanks to... Teck, Xinyi, HangMing, Jiahui, Jack, Belinda, Derui, JunHao, JunWen, Ashton, John, Dingze, Rick, Cai Lei, Natalie, Kangwei , Raj, Mun & Weiping for their birthday wishes on the actual day... And once again to Xinyi, Ah wei, Nat, JiaHui & Bel for their gifts and celebration on SUN... Kang & also Cao Qing for the surpise gift. Never expect from CQ at all. She was not even in my department leh... haha... my 'ren yuan' not bad leh... Envy my collegues... Guess rumors will arise upon my return to work...

X'mas Tree with Gifts @Marina Square

      Oh ya... apart from the celebrations.. i also managed to pass my IPPT on the very last day of my possible test date. Meaning... i will not have to undergo the 8 sessions*4 hours of grueling trainings... Hooray~!!

      After a great birthday celebrations, events now... in hours time, i will leave Singapore for Hongkong... Want to take lots of pictures of myself & my friends in Hongkong... Want to enjoy 100%~!!! no... 200%... Hooray~! Got Spinelli treat & birthday celebrations tonight lor... See you guys on 26th~!

DECEMBER

      Exactly one more week to my birthday & a trip to hongkong a day after. Can't wait for this day to arrive. I have been waiting for this day to come. December is my holiday season & a month for me to enjoy. Apart from my birthday & hongkong trip, I also have a bowling marathon this coming SAT & an outing on SUN... & ending the month with a BBQ. But before all the happy events... Tomorrow will be my IPPT, which is likely to be my last try. Wish me luck, but i don't pint much hopes as i am now alot FATTER than before.

      Received my first birthday & x'mas gift from.... surprise surprise... mr kang... he gave me a box of cookie, i think, from Japan during his vacation there. I haven't open it as i am trying to resist the temptation of eating MORE food before my ippt. It was actually the 2nd gift from him. I remember i received chocolate on his previous overseas holiday. So its kinda nice of him doing so despite little contacts. He still occasionally send me good music & emails etc. A nice person indeed.

      At work, everything still ok since the company is not producing much... haha... maybe collapsing soon. *evil grin* Anyway. I will decide where i want to study after my holidays. I wanted to live my life to the fullest & do what im interested in more. That's why i come up with a few more options. As usual, i have people 'pour cold water' without even really understand my views. Thinking i am still the young kid who do not know that study part-time is tough. Anyway, i heard enough of this phrase. haha... i have lots of friends in part-time studies.

      Hotel industry? Engineering industry? Currently, i am interested in the former.. but latter is my rice bowl now... so i had an advantage staying in this field. Hmm... heck... will think about it in January. *laugh*

     

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.