fool again

      Never take any of your friends for granted... it may be too late when you start to realise it...

      Never take them for granted... they may stick to you till you find them irritating... you may feel that you do not need to give them any special attention... they will still be there for you... if you have any thoughts of that... though you may not realise... you are wrong... when the times come and they disappear from your life... that is when you will regret for not treating well enough in the first place... but everything will be too late... am i taken for granted too?

      i had thought that i had finally thought it through but guess, i am wrong again... all these while, i keep telling myself to take things easy... telling myself that i am just over-suspicious... think too much... etc etc... but i couldn't seems to control my emotions when i'm all alone... when all the thoughts ran through my mind... i simply couldn't sleep... too many things to worry...

      And its a really terrible feelings to have... trying to sleep yet couldn't... trying not to think at all... but your mind keep functioning... and the next day? haha... guess what... its Guard Duty... its not i don't want to rest... but i simply couldn't...

      When i am all alone... i would suddenly felt my eyes turned teary... and soon it starts to flow... its not easy to explain how i feel... i used to think i could... but all of sudden... i felt that no one can understand me... and i given up explaining my feelings...

      Guess what... haha... i am crying now... haha... how can it be right? ridiculus... but... haha... i don't know... i'm just stupid... i guess i am a sick person... haha.... i going crazy... tears keeps rolling... the wound is opening up... the heart is falling apart... our time together will be over soon... not going to see them when June ends... no more suffering for them... as for me... God knows...

      Anyway, these week nothing special... setting up vehicles back... oh... i was worried sick when i heard that kh & dz got caught... all i could do was hope that they are find as i try to reach dz... i was at sentry alone... but was slightly relieved to hear that they are ok... but still it make me more awake... cant go to sleep... even if i am really really tired... end up talking to Jx who took over me at sentry...

      Being persuaded to sleep... i went to guard rm... and kh & dz ask me to rest and they will settle the things... managed to catch some sleep only then... These week only good news is... my good friend, Jocelyn getting married... So happy for her...

DECEMBER BABY

This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible...
better than all of these other months!
Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything.
Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations.
Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand.
Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke.
Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind.
Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person.
Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds.
Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up.
Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive.

router's trouble

      Yesterday was the polling day... No surprises... but almost did... In Aljunied GRC, WP came fiercely with 40%+ votes... Other GRCs & SMCs also did show that opposing party is gaining support... In future elections, i forsee WP to grow stronger than ever...

      Spend whole day doing my router connection... Getting rather fustrated as i couldn't solve the problem and had to wait for Dz's call... i was woken up twice in the morning as early as 8am... i slept late the previous night, you see? Then i sit in front of the computer trying to solve the problem... but yet facing regular asking on "still cannot ah?" & "can use the pc anot?"... If you guys can do it... then do it lar... don't wake me up and when i start to solve... keep bugging me...

      *sigh* a week back from Taiwan... still have a little bit of missing there... especially the 7-eleven... More variety, lower price... Simply great.. But these days... i'm gaining weight... In Taiwan, i keep eating... in Singapore... at home... i also non-stop eating... Now i had a huge tummy le... haha...

      Terence's recommendation of Char Kway Teow wasn't that bad... though it was suppose to be better... Uncle had his bad day i guess... so it did not meet Terence, Dz and Jq's expectation... but to me... it still have the unique... old-school taste... its nice...

      The highlights of the week should be the badminton sessions... but it ended with a 'bang'... haha... i was hit 'Bull's eye' right on my eyes... its really pain at the moment & i need awhile to recover... seeing black ring around my eyeball... haha... whole day with uneasiness... But not to worry, i'd recovered le...

the NTU reject

      Finally, i received my letter from NTU one day after my arrival in Singapore... But as i expected, i'm being rejected... though under my expectation, i still somehow feel really sad and disappointed... But glad my good friend Jx had been accepted to his course in NTU... now i must start to think what to study and where to study le...

      Been feeling rather sian... rather than the disappointment... it seems that i had alot of thing to do too... like scheduling of driving lessons before my TP this month... my dental appointment... and it all had to be settled this month... planning of my study also... Rather stressed this days... but keep myself occupied...

      Health is still recovering from diarrhoea that pester me for almost 2 days... one of the worst diarrhoea i ever had... But look at the brighter side... i'm recovering, isn't it?

      My gameplay also been affected with the return of my sister... not another one who going to snatch my gameplaying schedule... being born in a big family... everything had to be shared... but i just feel so sian that i can't control my own playing time... i had to change for their sake...

safe 'n' sound

      Seeing this post means all but one thing... i'm BACK... in one piece definitely... emotions filled my heart when i step back the shore... Everything seems to be unexplainable... i felt so good to be back in Singapore yet... i will miss those times in Taiwan...

      i gained experience driving and siting as a passenger in ROC... deploying outfield was special... those times i'll never forget too... it is those cold weather... i felt the warmth in bonds...

      Spend my rest of the ROC days with another group of friends... and had a total new experience... a more commercial kind... try lots of local food... saw the famous 'Bin Lang Xi Si'... Apart from hiccups from the Army side... the overall experience is still memorable...

      At times, i do feel disappointment emotionally but yet i learnt alot... and gained alot... hence i'm not complaining... but it's really good to be back... too...

zuo you wei nan

      i struggle and struggle... i ask myself again and again... it is not an easy decision to make... but for the sake of you... for the sake of me... i made this stupid decision... Zui Hou De Teng Ai, Shi Shou Fang Kai... Bu Zai Rang Ni Zuo You Wei Nan Le...

      i am not having a great time last week... i get fustrated easily... i get moody easily... i simply cant control my mood anymore... my gastric & stomach is weaker now with the fact that i felt like puking last week again... and i did, in fact... but who cares... i suspect myself suffering from depression... Thanks TeeRong & the specs for caring and letting me sleep in their bunk when my bunk is loud...

      i was hoping to settle my problem before going ROC... but somehow... my hopes were dashed... on TUE night, i would be leaving... and i may not be back... it all depends on what the someone above wants... i no longer yearn for safety nor scared of danger in ROC... i will not explain why i feel so, but it no longer hold any importance in my heart...

      Congrats to HangMing for getting into NUS, he deserves the place... For me? still yet to receive any notification from NTU... Don't think i will know if i get in unless i made it back to Singapore in late April... Till then, Take care my friends...

      Dedicated to Dz: Zuo You Wei Nan

life without...

      Army could be tough... but friends simply make things simpler... even if there is much things to do and not much rest... Thanks to Kelv, KokHong, Jx, Mun and terence... my life pretty entertaining when i return camp on TUE... They filled up the emptiness in my life... though not totally covered up, at least i live much happier... then alone...

      Life without TH is simply great... the three days is one of the happiest time i had for months... free without his presence... simply not affected by him... i lived the life i wanted for those days... basketball... fooling around... joking around with the rest of the guys...

      it wasn't easy for me as i had a quarrel at home before booking in on MON... but and i found the emptiness in my heart... the space left by my buddy... it will never be filled up... i suddenly felt that i had no one to turn to... no one to speak to... Thanks Jin... for listening to me... showing concern... i really appreciated... everything just went wrong...

      Though we gave each other some time off the matter... but THURS & FRI simply remind me how things will never be the same... i wanted you to be happy... but i can see that there is nothing you would change for me... that doesn't matter anymore... i shalln't go into details... im sure you aren't interested... just go on with your happy life... its heartening to see you do enjoy your time these days...

      Home became the last place i wanted to be at ... after the bust up on Mon night... maybe one day... you will find me loiter around the void decks... haha... who knows... and who cares...

do you really understand...

      Do you really understand my feelings... my sadness...? Do you... really feel for me...? You seems to be so near to be... yet... you can be simply hard-hearted and feel that you are far away from me... why am i feeling all these? why am i feeling an emptiness within my heart...? why am i feeling so scared? scared of losing what i used to have... scared of being alone... scared of everything... why... why am i feeling all these?

      As the situation do not improve... it became a quicksand situation... i simply continue to sink deeper... rather than being pulled up... as the last one i trust seems to be a distance away from me... though i trust that he will always be with me... though i always know he do care... but i could now only see the back of him... maybe he need a break... maybe he is too tired of seeing me in the quicksand... maybe to him... no matter how hard he tries to pull me up... i doesnt seem to help myself up... so why bother...

      i couldn't help myself... my mind keep turning... keep moving... keep thinking... especially i am waiting for some reaction... some reply... but maybe... there won't be one... will there be? i still hope to have reply... i simply lost... stuck in the sand... not sure what to do... even though i know i shouldn't feel this way... as many people around me want to see me well.. but still... i felt somehow lost...

      Unlike many others... they have a harbour for their lonely ship to stop at... for me... my home do not have the sense of belonging... maybe there are parents who do care & whip up dishes for me... but we are not that close till i can bring up my daily problems to them... there isn't a corner i can design or call it my own...

      Everything seems to be not in place... not they way i want them to be... i'm really scared... really... scared...

week on outfield

      Though i should say i didn't had a great week, but it wasn't that bad either... had a rather boring outfield EX... went out with buddy during night out... chilling out... BN movie treat on FRI after which went with Terence to apply for his Uni course... It wasn't great as there is some bust up during the week...

      Alright i do admit that after so many things happened... i am getting more short-tempered than before... those who know me for years would be my witness... i trying to control my temper le... though it may not be seen.. but i really am trying my best...

      At the same time, i am also trying to earn back the trust and friendship of a person i treasure... i felt that i may take him for granted at times and indeed hurt & disappoint him on many occassion... hence i will work hard for what i had caused to change... if i am the cause, then i shall repent my mistakes... and earn back the friendship... i don't want pity or whatsoever... i just hope to get what i deserved...

      Siang & Belinda : i know you guys are worrying for your own affairs too... Stay strong, don't worry about me too much... Ber, thanks for asking Siang to check on me daily when i was at EX outfield... Nothing would happen only that i might get a little down for quite awhile... but i am definitely safe & sound under the care of my buddy and node...

not alone

      Often, i felt alone in this cruel world... Fighting solo in this tough world... but i am glad to be wrong... i am not alone... not now at least... no matter how much i don't feel for this empty house of mine... i know somewhere i can have my soul rely on... another soul... spiritual huh?

      i suddenly feel that i am worthless as a friend... as a buddy... or even failed as a person... its really heartbreaking to feel that way... i really do not know what i should feel... sad? angry? disappointed? whatever... i get a little 'pek chek' and at times i sound nasty or not friendly... not you guys fault... just that i don't know who i am... i don't feel myself well... Sorry to whoever being affected by me...

      Last week seems to be another week... Guard duty... My plans had all been haywired... From wanting to go out with Dz alone during nights out... to plans after booking out... All thanks to Army... No one at fault... we are just helpless against fate... Even SAT i had to change my plan for my outing... but i am not totally unreasonable, of course... i am disappointed... and a little angry when i heard the change of plans... but soon i understand the situation and get on with the new plans... i still enjoy it...

      Too many things emotionally happened this week... but yet... i don't know how to blog... hence this post may sound a little distorted or without any flow... because... i can't 'feel' it correctly yet...