to my friends...

      maybe i am no easy person to deal with... maybe i turn moody too frequently that you guys feel its norm and don't care anymore... maybe i don't fit to be your friend... but no matter what... don't i deserve to be treated better? whatever i owe you guys... didn't i did enough in return? guess i overworked myself for friends...

      no matter how i am treated by my friends... no matter how many feud we might have... no matter how hurt i am by you... i ended up trying to let go and forgive... and make you happy... is it due to this kindness, i am taken for granted...? am i not worth to have what i had? are you taking away them from me?

      i had accepted the change in trust... i accepted the truth that we no longer same as before... i accepted that our lifestyle is different... i accepted that we see things differently than before... more and more differences i observe... i accept who you are.... but is it because i gave in too much... i'm taken for granted?

      i hate myself for pestering... i hate myself for feeling all these craps... i hate myself for giving in... i hate myself for giving my all... i hate myself for protective... i hate myself for suffering while you enjoying... but if i never do what i did... you think our friendships can survive...?

      maybe i tried too hard... tried to hard to maintain or get things that don't belong to me... something i don't deserve... but i know if i don't try hard... or being annoyance... i will end up losing what i treasured most... that is you.... my friends... my buddies... maybe only if i be less vocal... i'm appreciated more... an example is the event in taiwan... i felt i make the right decision...