flash~back

     Even if i did mention before that i have lost the passion to work... But somehow... i still miss this place... miss the people here... from here, i grew up alot... lots of good and bad memories... i was moulded into another person... i mean should say... mould to a more down to earth person?

     Working had changes me alot... Since G2000 days... THPZ seems to be my second most successful work place... I could feel my importance there... and i am glad to receive praises in the place i worked for... Its always nice that people identify your hardwork... even if i never asked for it... it just increase my confidence...

     Today was not a bad day for me... somehow... feel more relieved as in relaxed, after talks with Hang Ming... Now at work, its more smooth le... Managed to get back my balance rate? Yup... and i can slightly talk to the person i never talk for months le.. so i guess ok le ba... i mean.. i don't know about him... i had never really hate him ba... just don't feel like talking to him... afraid of getting hurt again... once burnt twice shy... anyway... i think its over le... since i am quiting le... don't really think will get hurt...

     Hmm... never get message from Hang Ming or Wei Ping.. maybe they not thinking of running tomorrow? anyway... i will still go there and run ba... Looking forward to the night's dinner... that is likely to be held... a group of us whom we had never meet for months.... and our chinese mentor Mdm Ong...

2nd Blow

     I suffered another blow... even though this is a rather small one... Results were out this morning... It dipped alot... i had expected it... but still i thought i could struggle to a minimum of all C and above... Hence it is just a small blow... My final results? Apart from Semestral Project & Professional Skills, where i scored A, the rest were 1 Ds 2 Cs 1 Bs.

     BizzEng (Technopreneurship) was the B. This was rather satisfying, consider the last minute work we put up and make it happen on the very last day. To get a B was never an easy task... I am rather disappointed with my core modules... First time ever, i get such a low result... No one to be blame except myself for not concentrating in class... Sleeping throughout the classes doesn't benefits me much... Perhaps i am not a study material? Perhaps i wasn't that clever...

     I guess i am not the only one disappointed... i have friends who scored equally good or even better than me... yet are not happy with the results... i think that nothing could be done le... just feel disappointed ba...

idol of life

     American Idol 3 came to an end last night with a final performance by the newly-crowned American Idol... Fantasia Barrino. Her rendition of "I Believe" was emotional and great... it just simply moves people into tears...

     Diana did the same song on the result night as well... it was nice as well but not as emotional as Fantasia did... maybe she was too young... "I Believe" is a brand new song written by American Idol Alumni, Tamyra Gray... She did a song with Kelly Clarkson. Her album should be out this month in US.

     That night, many AI3 was brought to tears when Fantasia sings... even AI1 winner, Kelly. I... too... was brought to tears... Kelly's "A Moment Like This" in the first season did the same to me... The song sumed up the whole season... This season's "I Believe" did the same trick... it flashes back the times where the Three Divas fallen one by one ... leaving Fantasia behind... and all the controvesy of her voice sounding like Donald Duck...

     "Summertime" is another song that touched millions of heart... including Paula Abdul (judge)... Its not about the voice... not about the song... but everything.... The emotional vocal projected from the voice... i guess its what that touches everyone... Not many will like the song... but i guess i do... i feel the song...

     Life is what it seems to be... what has reflected on American Idol... You may be the favorite in whatever you do, that doesn't mean you will win... People don't like you (La Toya, Jennifer)... you are out... Hard work is needed and a little piece of luck may bring you further (JPL, John, Jasmine)... But Fantasia's victory had given me a inspiration... As long as you put in hard work, even if there are times that may be hard... you will definitely succeed in your way...

Nobody is Nobody...
Everybody is Somebody...

Personality disorder test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

____

     Its yet another day... Wasted whole morning deciding whether going to Sentosa... I never went for jogging today, due to no mood :x... Anyway, i decided not to go... i guess as i mentioned before... they should be happier without me...

     I don't really understand myself ba... i feel like a child... i mean most of the times... i just feel like very childish... can be jealous, can be unhappy... can throw tandrum... over things that might be view by others as very little or even act of a girl... But that's me... The girl in Man's World... Or even someone used to say... The Girl in Women's World...

     i just want to find back the real me? haha... wish me luck ba...

not so easy

     Its the end of storm...? i doubt so... although i should be mentally prepared... i still suffer a disappointment blow... its always my hope to get into NTU. Guess that my results really s**ks ba...

     Feeling tired now... mentally... physically.... i ran in WED morning for don't know how many rounds... legs are weak.. still i went on for afternoon meet-up... Went to watch movie, "The Day After Tomorrow". Not a bad one... even though there are some part with queries unanswered... Then went on to Chinablack... Was really tired... and somehow no mood to dance... hence left around 1am... when the rest were still dancing ...

     Trip to sentosa... do i really want to go? Why am i going for? Questions after questions i asked myself... will i ever be happy even if i went there? I really don't know... maybe i get the answer tomorrow? without me... i guess they will be much happier...

     I had been suffering emotionally since i don't seems to get what i always wanted from friends... but i guess.. i just accept reality and moves on in life....

Scorched SouL

     Once again... the sun had left a mark on me... was this the sun after the rain? Don't ask me... i was sunburned while jogging this morning... Run 6 non-stop rounds and rest before 2-3 more after that... so about 3km ba... anyway... was rather weak... tired...

     After jogging, WeiPing, Hang Ming and i went to Sports Hall for badminton... today was my worst day ever since i started playing this year... Many simple shots i missed... almost accuracy went to 20% but luckily got back a little bit while playing the last game (for me) with Hang Ming... i have to prove that he should not took me too lightly.... he use his other hand leh... *haiz* In the end, i guess i lose... but he did change back a while ba...

     Now feeling rather hollow... i also don't really understand... maybe will get an answer soon ba... Felt like losing grips with friends... maybe they are just not there or not how i hope they behaves...

RaiN R aLmOst Ov3r...

     Not recovered yet... can feel the weakness this morning... after the run, i almost can't walk straight... the flu is getting slightly more serious ba... now still feeling weak... a single breeze can make me feel cold... yet my body seems to be warm...

     This morning went jogging alone... even though Hao and Wen are around... i jog and exercise almost myself... they have a friend with them... Don't really like mixing with stranger... :x call me anti social ba...

     Just return from work an hour ago... due to cashier having MCs... tonight they have shortage of staff... i went down to work lor... with work, i tend not to think much... haha... anyway... i am pretty fine mentally....

     i tried to avoid getting myself liking people around me too deep... as friends ba... but i guess i failed... my collegues treated me with all their care and kindness... Everyone start questioning why i am quiting, how am i feeling (since i'm sick) etc... all voiced their concern on me... As i mentioned earlier... i did not did a good job and due to my carelessness.. i am required to pay some amount... but its so-called decreased... as one of my mistake was paid by my chief cashier somehow... she don't allow me to pay for that...

     Feeling dejected these days... i went through the testimonials people write for me in friendster.com... Can't believed i have made an impact on so many people... Even though some may be short or almost nothing... but every efforts count... hence... i guess... i shouldnt think so much... i guess i am who i am... and i do not really need to expect more from myself? Can sense the losing of friends... one, two, three, f...

     I had been suffering emotionally since i don't seems to get what i always wanted from friends... but i guess.. i just accept reality and moves on in life....

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S.I.C.K

     Feeling weak all over my body... Likely due to the long hours of exercise yesterday and this morning's rain. Yesterday played whole day badminton... body still weak and tired... Then came the rain this morning... i was caught in the middle of the heavy rain in SengKang... in the end... i was totally wet and the best thing is... i caught a cold...

     Feeling weak, i still went to work. I felt that i am a lazy person, hence i hope to change it... not giving myself any excuse to not to work. At work, i was not having a smooth time too... Last week, 2 days not acheiving balance causing my balance rate to be 0%... Luckily, today (SAT) i managed to get balance... But last week i make 2 mistake... leading to trouble this week... but eventually i guess its over and done with...

     Then receive from one of my friends that she went for girl now... *laugh* i can't criticise her for my personal reason ba... those who really know me well should understand the reason... anyway... not feeling good now...

     After 3 tries... finally finish a quiz le... its 'How Well Do You Know Liang'... if anyone free, can always go and have a try ba...

ashton

     After much thoughts... finally i chose an english name... of course, i still like my real name... or chinese name... but i guess an english name will allow me to write shorter name... i still prefer people call me Liang, of course... Recent days, my mood wasn't really good... and though now its still the same... i decide to change my view in things...

     Feeling down or troubled is a personal thing... My friends around me are pretty innocent... hence i decided to bring back the sunshine, hopefully. Sun after the rain... May i re-find back all my soul and laughters...!

     Tomorrow will see my badminton session back after weeks of absence... The last time i played was before comm. skills common test. Hope i enjoyed *laugh* i'm sure i will... i just simply LOVE sports... *laugh*

     so i guess all i can say now is... Look out for the same old brand new Liang, Ashton... Joseph is History.. and Ashton is MYSTERY... haha.... Feel the present with Liang... Here I COME~~~

training resume

     Night training resume and temporary paused... due to Pasar Malam... Day training had also resume... Gym was now part of the weekly training... Went through the gym orientation and physical fitness assessment... Know that i am weak on my upper body, i always knew, and BMI decreased to around 25 ...

     Feel so tired and have aching all over me... but i will endure it... Mood continues to swing... from high to low... was pulled to go China Black... its nice but i guess i am just not in the mood for that. I had wanted to leave early, but the rest pulled me there... Now feeling so tired...

night of fun

     Savvyzone Award Ceremony was over... and i was proud to be the biggest winner of the night *laugh* i am pretty touched to win the awards... The most surprising award i got, got to be "Most Versatile" ba... Winners was made to drink... especially for the last award... the alcohol was a WOW to me... haha...

     I guess, this are the secondary reason for me to be happy about... It was a chalet of emotions... first night have 5 of us together at a beach talking about how we feel about one another, 'live' testimonials... haha... This was the first time 5 of us sit together... normally only 3 of us... The 5 are Ek, Jannah, Riez, HanKeong and me of course...

     I am really touched for all their comments etc... never expect so much from them... from what they say... i suddenly realise... i did so much for my friends... its like the time flashed back in my mind... all the sour... bitter... and sweet moments... 5 of us went through alot... and i went through alot...

     2nd night which is the award night... around 16 turned up including Mr Liaw... it was consider a success... i was a little touched as well when i saw Mr Liaw arrived... even though after award... Some left and the rest drank and have lots of fun... for the first time i was drunk... i was tired but it was fun...

     Left the chalet in the morning around 5am... reached home... have a small nap before woke up for work... whole day was very very tired... *haha* now feel better le... but still got rashes over my body.... hope its due to excessive drinking and not allegy to alcohol... haha...

     Need to get back to exercise le... or else i will become a potato again... haha... but guess need some time to be alone still... but don't worry, i am recovering... c",)

emotional struggles

     i finally thought it over... after much talks to Zhi Xiong, i feel that i know what to expect better... i am just an ordinary guy... someone who will unlikely create an impact over friends... there is no complaints or whatever... just that maybe i am just too confident? its impossible to be part of a group just within months...

     pardon me for feeling introvert... i am not feeling good either... its that same old feeling that had me psychologically wore out for weeks or even months... i guess everything will soon came to an end... i had tried very hard... i really did... still dun feel accepted. Maybe because of the brand new kind of personality i am dealing with... i don't feel 'it'... nevermind... maybe im over-sensitive

     i really feel disappointed when they went to the beach without telling me... as i did mentioned that i want to go to see sunrise... but i don't know why... maybe this is the reason why i don't wish to go to the chalet... i am afraid of becoming more hurt... emotional torture... truth hurts...

     Thank god, Zhi Xiong was there to talk to me when i was bored... we went out and have a walk... have a long, hmm... its really long, chat... never had i talk to him for so long... we talk about almost everything... people around us... plans... future... history... so glad that he accompanied me...

     Putting this aside... i have one more chalet that will last till this weekend... hope that i can really relaxed and have fun... will not be online till further notice ba... need time to cool off... i have fun during the photonics chalet... just a few disappointment... but i am going to miss them all....

a moment like this

     for a moment like this... some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.... some people search forever for that one special... erm... Oh I can't believe it's happeneing to me... Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this ...

     An emotional moment for me... everything had came to an end... the anxiety... the pressure... the hated feeling... but is it the end or just a new beginning? an end of my poly life.... its the beginning of another part of my life... although these are gone... i still feel sad... emotional...

     Why am i feeling all this? unknown to myself... my future seems so foggy... not to say dark... but unclear... Yes, Army here i come... but before all that suffering... i do not know what to expect... there are numerous events i hope to happen or going to happen... but will it happen? i really hope to catch up with my friends... but i guess its soon coming to an end too... all the hopes will soon be dashed... back to realistic world...

     i no longer can be who i wanna be... i guess... hmm... just hope that like i once said... i can be a better person... this weeks are packed with 2 Chalets... so... i think i will be tired during the weekend when i resume my work... but i hope i have a fulfilling week.... at the very least....

You are Pepe Le Pew!

You are a lover.
Romance, flowers, and wine are all you need to enjoy yourself. You are serious about all commitments. A family person. You call your Mom every Sunday, and never forget a Birthday. Don't let your passion for romance get confused with the real thing.

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how am i feeling now?

     Primary School's friend found you in friendster.... message you... add you in MSN.... how would you feel? Great... happy... wonderful.... Friends around you not feeling happy... over tests... over virus of pc... how would you feel then? Great? never... sad... So what am i feeling now?

     Many of you might have thought about, why should i let things around me bother me? why will i get affected by my friends' mood? if that's the case, why bother to ask people how they feel and allow them to confide in you? Blame it on my character, blame it on my hormones... maybe too much female hormones had make me weaker and more sensitive.... i feel the way people feel. Sometimes, rage may overcome my sensitive-ness but overall, i am still quite vulnerable. i want to share people's woes and i am used to it.

     i feel strange for not having people talking to me... bottomline is... i am afraid of lonliness... many people around me would know that i can't stop a single minute not doing anything... why? i would have my imagination run wild... and thought about 'what if'... i will then normally demoralised. Like now, i am feeling lost...

     Its kind of good to have your primary school friend remembering you. His picture shows that he has changed. His looks, no longer the same as my memory... sure... who would not have change after 8-9 years? its great to hear from him... knowing that he is doing great etc. i really feel blissful to have my friends safe and sound...

     i am a team player... sure i can have a job done single-handedly... but i need support from my friends... without them, im nothing... that's why i treasure people around me more than i treasure myself. of course, everyone is selfish... me too... but as long as i am safe and sound... i would go all out to help whoever i can... these people of course, must let me, at least, consider as trusted friends, good friends...

     Supposed to be in my WeiPing's house studying now... but due to the fact that he had fallen sick, the whole thing was cancelled. This was the second overnight being cancelled. Yesterday, Aris last minute had something cropped up, hence cancelled the trip to Sembawang. Study wise, i think so-so ba... at least i did some read up... and understand... just that i did not memorised any points yet. Recently seems to have lots to post... *laugh*

pulling myself up...

     EG3235.... just like EG3236 & EG3237, is now nothing but history... it wasn't as bad as 3236, but it was bad enough, i think. Many questions are left blank. Even if i did answer, its either having lots of mistakes or not detailed enough... can sense that this semester, i can only hope for one A which is actually my communication skills.

     The mood of examination has finally begin, it seems to be too late since i left with last paper. i have one less papers comparing with the rest of the class as i took a business module, which Ben say we did very well and are likely to be one of the high scorer. Its an team effort... so i guess its considered a good news? after so many bad weeks. *smile*

     i think that there is one person particularly, who seems to change me alot. its not as if purposely, but i am just influenced by him? or affected by him? compared to him, i feel alot weaker... he is not from a wealthy family, earn himself a living by tutioning. Spendthrift… humble… hardworking… discipline… lots of good points for me to state… not easy for me to say out all at once… its not easy for me to admire a person. This guy… one of my buddies… i will never trade anything for his friendship... If you are from my class, you might know who he is.... Hang Ming....

     After mixing around with him, Liquan and WeiPing... i start to change my lifestyle abit. And only recently i found out that my expenses cut by almost half... i look up to all three of them... all have things for me to learn from... maybe i will feature one of them each time? *laugh* Liquan sure will scold me since he is the only one saw my blog. But how have Hang Ming affect my study mood?

     During study week or up to now, he is still tutioning his students. He is so responsible... His students exams are drawing nearer or days after we finished ours... so he must not let loose his revision also. Yet, he can always produce repectable results... much better than mine. From here, i feel so much embarressed. Not that anyone had mention it. Me, better family background, i think... "Shen Zai Fu Zhong Bu Zhi Fu"... still don't study hard. and get such a disgracing results... Hmm... hence from here, i tell myself... if he can survive, why can't i....?

     i will get back to EG3237 studies tonight or tomorrow... hope i can help them along if i managed to study finish... this is the only way i can help.... Thanks Belinda for your apples *smile* it really help that day... By the way, Kimberley Locke's album was out... even though songs were alright... her voice was still not bad... but not as powerful as she can be... not her best performance ba...

off tracked...

     Comm Skills over.... not doing well... EG3236 over... sure die.... up next EG3235.... but how prepared am i? Not prepared at all... i tried hard to get the facts into me... but unfortunately, it doesn't work out the way i want it to be. I tend to forget all the facts that i memorized. Like EG3236... i totally can't remember alot of specs.

     The mood of examination have not set in, even though i do feel stressed up before the exams. I somehow or rather are still in the holidays mood. Having fun, joking around etc... its kind of unusual for me to feel this way and i believed that this is the first semester i feel this way. And results? i fair badly... No one's to be blamed, except for myself. i am overly-confident that i can do it or survived in Photonics World... but unfortunately, i may not be good enough to shine or survive. Theory all over the place... Understanding itself is useless if i cant remember the main points. i can explain paragraphs after paragraphs... but still, i need the main headlines.... *sigh*

     Like now, i had only slept for 2hours maximum for the past 48hrs. Why am i here? too lazy to study... hence chilling myself out here. But when will i concentrate... hmm... i guess i should stop here and go and read some books?