2005 Report Card

      Alright... its time to summarise what had happens in 2005... i had always been saying... 2005 is the worst time ever in my whole life... the first time i ever suffer from depression... suffer from so many illness... injured for so many times... all i can say is... its a year i wish to forget ba... though of course there are times when i would love to remember... e.g. JB birthday celebration... i decided to mention only 3 notable incidents and 1 friend...

---

     : Most Touching Incident :

It happens during Justin's birthday... i was having some struggle within my heart and i showed some attitude to my friends around me... but yet... they stick through me... on the way to the chalet... i left my handphone on the cab... and when i notice it... the cab had drove off... Jiu Hsiang & Dingze immediately chased after the cab with me... though failed to stop the cab... i managed to get the hp back... i was devastated in losing the phone again... i lost once before this year... hence losing the 2nd would be a hit... yet... Jiu Hsiang & Dingze keep calling my phone hoping the passenger would pick it up... and indeed, she picked up and the cab returned to hand over the phone... Terence & Kok Hong was there too... this incident immediately made me guilty on the way i treated them... they may say its in the past... but its these incidents that make me realise how idiotic i am and how much i should treasure my friends... Thanks guys... Thanks Dz & Jx...

     : Most Disappointing/Hurting Incident :

Losing a buddy that i treasure so much... After losing TH early this year, Jx had been offering helps for us to reconcile... being there for me when i was feeling down... all these had moved my heart... Trying my best to be there for him... making sure everything works well for him and taking care of him whether he really needs anot... but i guess, to him i am over-zealous... maybe a nuisance to him in return... and now i had lost a buddy... lost a friendship... he never really tell me what had happen... hence i could do nothing to salvage this friendship... Its absolutely hurting to lost someone so dear to you... someone you look up to... a brother in your life... i am really hurt... hope things turn around in 2006

     : Friend Of The Year :

Dingze - Though there are many people i would like to thank for doing so much for me... being there to cheer me up when i am down... People like Jianqiang & Kang etc... or Ermei for doing so much for me in the month of December... i would like to thank Dingze for sticking with me through thick & thin... whenever i am down... he pulled me up and assist me to move on... despite my wilfulness & being a nuisance to him... clinging to him... i would never do enough to thank him... Awesome friend... buddy... brother... Simply love him... *muakz* haha...

     : Highlights Of 2005 :

There isn't any really good events for me to be named as highlight... Whatever Teck done for me in Dec & My Birthday gift deserves a nomination ba... but i guess National Day '05/Finale is more amazing ba... After putting so much effort... everything paid off when we successfully performed in front of the National TV/Padang Crowd... in front of Singaporeans... and when you are right under the fireworks during the finale was really amazing... the feelings... the atmosphere... its definitely great... but that makes other fireworks not so interesting le... haha...

---

      i guess that i didn't perform enough this year... being a friend... i am sucky... being a worker... i am just having so-so performance... failure to keep 2-3 friendships... causing hurts to people... haiz... but thankfully i salvage one, recovering another... but left one unsolved... so 1W 1D 1L, i guess? haha... average results? i gave myself a D grade for my performance this year ba...

'my brother'

      guess what... i think things are looking better when 2006 is approaching... Though still not as good... maybe its still not the Lunar Year 2006... My discman... newer than the blue one im using now... was spoilt when it was soaked in water when i had a fever during my BMT days... i forget to close my bottle then... hence whole field pack was wet... But it happens to work again just before i decided to throw it away... luckily my dad test it before i discard it... phew~! i had one more Discman in my inventory now... haha...

      It doesn't seem right today... i went to collect my PDL in SSDC, end up the system was down.. haha... so empty handed home... need to wait before i can start my lesson, not to say test... then my left eye keep twitching the whole day... even till a moment ago... as the old saying goes... left eye twitch means something bad will happen... hmm... hopefully not... hopefully is just that i am tired?

      Its been a long time since i dotA... played one game with Dz as he seems busy... and we teamed up to win~! RID POWER UP~!... hoho... its a nice game... long time since i last played online co-op game... After which i continued with the 2004 movie 'My Brother'... and guess what... i was moved to tears... the part one which i watched a few days ago... was still ok... then i watch the second half today... and was eventually touched... oh my god... their acting is superb... No wonder i like Won Bin... haha... not only he handsome... his acting is good too... A must-watch movie... its better to feel it yourself... haha... i cant feel it when Ris told him its a nice movie...

      A bit bored today... that's why i need some games... but guess everyone is busy today... nevermind... since i not feeling well... i shall rest more... maybe book in earlier then... haiz... so lonely right... haha...

My Brothers [2004]

Elder Brother, Sung-hyun

Baby Brother, Jong-hyun

X'mas

      Christmas is finally over... This marks the year 2006 is drawing nearer... its time for me to list out what i have to do in 2006... and my wishes for the upcoming year... 2005... hmm... a bad year indeed...       This year... my Christmas eve was spent with Zhang, Kek, Kang & my buddy Dz... not exciting... not fun... but not bad either... We begin with a Jazz performance at Theatre of The Bay... I thought she was just some local malay girl with a big voice... but i am wrong... Angelita Li is a successful Jazz performance who travelled to many countries... and was hongkonger... want to preview her singing? click here. Here LIVE performance that night sounds better... Though this song did not do any justice to her voice... i think its nice too...

      After meeting up with Zhang... we went over to NYDC outside HMV Orchard... my drink was called e=mc2... a mathematic formula... a weird drink... prefer the rest's coffee... its more fulfilling... this e=mc2 is chocolate soda plus ice-cream... hmm... feel the taste? haha... anyway... we siam all the way to the cafe... we avoid those guys who spray white foam on others... haha... we left around 2am...

      Christmas itself... the shopping was cancelled.. hence, only in the evening, i went over to Eugene place with Teck... which joined by Daniel, their bmt friend... we spent overnight playing games... UNO... and drank a little alcohol... hmm... Eugene & Teck vomits... me? going strong hehe... Teck wasn't feeling well... hope he gets better...

      Until today afternoon, i return home with Teck... took a bath & meet Dz for shopping... Zhang met us around evening... didn't really see any nice clothes.. or should say not really in the mood to choose... maybe too tired or maybe other reasons... hehe... i'm keeping it a mystery... but end up get a Pinkish Shirt... pretty refreshing ba...

we met first @ Esplanade

buddy, dz... under the meteor rain?

ME~! Outside ParkMall...

Beatiful X'mas Orchard

NYDC Chit Chatting

Not enough battery for all to take as one

No Sleep

      Not enough sleep... really... haha... had been working on Proj Xmas till wee hours... slept at 4+am on Thurs night & wake up at 8+am on FRI morning... that's not the end... i went swimming with JB Kakis @ SAFRA Yishun... i wonder is it because of lack of sleep or my fitness drop... i can't really swim much... 10 laps to-and-fro... i get tired le... hmm...

      From buying the materials to preparations to start doing... it took me a hassle to get it done... but its worth the trouble when i look at the end result... pretty satisfying... its simple yet unique... everyone can say that its do-able by a small kid... but i did took time to choose the design leh... this gift is the second design le... i made two... for different person... but hope they like it... as its a non-usuable item... just for display... its the thoughts that counts isn't it?

      Got a reply from Phyo... he is a great guy during our poly days... simply one of the best person... but hey, i won 4 awards beating him twice to be the overall winner ok...? so R-E-S-P-E-C-T, people~!... haha

Tiramisu

      i... am totally touched... and surprised... as i received a gift personally from Teck... after my family's celebration had cancelled... i went out to meet him as i need to shop for materials... but ended up... he gave me a gift... photo albums... i once worked on Project Jx... hence i know how hard it will take... somemore he did it on Sun night till wee hours... ALONE... that time i still have him to help me...

      He did more than he should for my birthday... Getting lots of people to sign my birthday cards... weeks before my 21st birthday... Almost all TCC2 people get their names on the card... then he organise the 11-people JB celebration... now this gift... if i never meet him... he might came all the way to my place to pass to me... Can you imagine... i would have cried immediately... honestly... i am really touched... We spent the last few hours of my birthday at Padang area... eating Breadtalk's Tiramisu cake... we went places to places just to find it lor... its a christmas design cake... but taste sweet at heart... i might not worth the effort he put in... don't deserve so much... thanks...

      After Jxsito's touching testimonials... i never expect more to come... Jin wrote one for me... Thanks guys... I even received Dz's e-greetings... some error caused me to receive 3 instead of 2... one repeated... but the words touch my heart... thanks a million Dz... *muakz* Thanks guys... An honour knowing you guys... Erna's & YaoQiang's greetings were simply icing on the cake...

      Most testimonials in one day... i need to thank all of you... Kek for your bear bear... i love it... Especially Teck... i did not regret in giving myself... and you one more chance... Thanks a million...

i'm... 21

      Arghh~! The day has come... and i am now 21 le... old le... haha... "Wo Bu Xiang, Wo Bu Xiang, Bu Xiang Zhang Da" (extracted from SHE lastest album)... Somehow... i guess its time for me to grow... haha.. in army... all my friends had turned 21... they keep reminding me im 21 le... sad... but its truth... haha..

      I spent my day at BigSplash @EastCoastPark... Trunk2 organising the BN Outing (suppose to be Dinner) there... TCC2 won only Captains' Ball after ULTRA-bad refree-ing... but alright lar... we sportsman ma... unlike TCC1 pc... anyway... first time there... hence a good experience ba... after that i went to modify my Xbox with Dz & Sito... No xbox for me these days...

      Hey... have i really shrunk? Sito being the second person, after Liying whom she said yesterday too, that i had become smaller in size... not really slim down but look 'smaller'... haha... Ly even scared i grow shorter... Don't worry, i'll jump more... hehe... Sito... i'm gaining back weight le... i guess... :x

      Received sms & greetings from some friends... and some testimonial... Sito's the most touching one ba... thanks Sito... Family celebration had cancelled due to some time clashing stuff... don't wish to say about it... but i don't really need it anyway... so... that's about it... haha... c",)

prayers

      it has been the worst year i had ever experience in my whole 21 years... facing lots of misunderstandings... lots of clashes... losing handphones... losing buddy... losing friendships... torturing of souls... mine... and people around me... having lots of injuries... insects bites... gastrics pains... haha... oh ya... the positive thing? i lost lots of pounds too...

      due to all these... i had wanted to go pray when someone important to me suggest it to me... hence the idea keep flashing through my mind... all i could do was to pray at night... im useless... haha.. don't dare to go pray alone lar... so make this someone to go with me... haha... finally, today i went... and even went to, not one but i think, 3? Buddhist, Taoist... both have... Thanks alot... Teck... for accompanying me there... i used all my heart & soul to pray... just hope that my prayers could be answered...

      May or may not happens... at least my mind is having some peace... after that ... suppose to meet Eunice, Siang & Ly... ending up oni a small lunch with ly... as something crops up... for everyone... hmm... a little sad... but not angry... as they all tried... but under such circumstances... nothing could be done, i guess... hehe... time to rest then...

11 Warriors

      9 friends celebrate our birthdays, Edwin's & mine... Pre-organised by TH & then WL... they launched a surprised attack using cakes... i was careful but still cornered... *sigh*

Dec Babies... 4th & 19th...

Edwin, ambushed...

Me, out of my seat...

Eleven of us graced the event...

Bunk One Re-Unites...

TCC2 Group~

7 of the MANY MANY photos...

time to rest

      After three weeks long of exercises... its finally a time for me to rest my heart, body & soul... What do i get from the last exercise? Lots of insects bites... haha... not confirm if its mosquitoes... but definitely lots of bites... those who saw my body had their eyes wide open... haha...

      After much persuasion from Dz... i finally agreed to go for the JB trip... 10 of my friends went... namely Dz, Jx, TH, Jq, Kek, Kang, WL, Edwin, Jack & TERENCE... yes! finally we went out together... alot of times when he went out with the rest, i am not free... this marks the first time ever i went out with him one whole day... plus he sang also... haha... finally...

      As expected... there are some unhappiness over there... but overall its a memorable... many first time was marked (others than those concern about terence)... First time celebrate with so many friends... first time celebrate overseas... first time kana sabo by friends esp. on birthday... first time took picture with Jq? haha... actually quite a number... but hard to list them all... Not really in the mood to sing but somehow persuaded to sing still... haha... but never sing alot... mostly either backup singer or sing a bit and stop... not in the mood... guess, still unable to let go? haha... but definitely trying...

      Touched by what Teck did for me... The cards contains Eugene & Valerie's signature... so kinda surprised... and the gift itself... though Teck say not nice on me... yet it was given as a gift... design different but the style is something i always wanted to try... and the lolipop.... my favorite kind... hard to find these days... Thanks a million, Teck...

      Though like i say... its not a perfect day... or in a perfect mood... but definitely a perfect memory to keep... i will never forget this day...

downsize

      Unbelievable... i am downsized... haha... from a someone whose waist once reached 38... i am able to squeeze into a waist of 31... If my butt is smaller... i might even squeeze into a 30... haha... so surprising... but that means that i must not gained any more pounds... haha... especially the waist... Thanks DZ for advice...

      Yesterday... Met Xinyi for Chicken Little which was joined by JiaHui for lunch... after that we went to Christmas Shopping... They surprised me by getting me a gift package from the BodyShop... guy's range... Did consider whether i should get it... since its not really expensive for BodyShop products... yet its still above my normal product's price ma... Then went to Belinda's birthday chalet... and played GuoXin's PSP... nice game... the dynasty warrior... haha... Had supper in Maxwell... Mutton Soup was a first in my life... never really try before...

      Today... Supposed to be a gathering... but was a little disappointed that HanKeong & Maz was unable to make it... but thankfully still managed to see Maz at her work place... End up, i had lunch with Summer & ShiHui @ Swensen before we went KTV with Ek & Kelton... They surprised me by handing me a gift from ShiHui & card from summer... Then came the cake... Really happy that they celebrate with me... i had been having too many sad periods... so having friends remembering your birthday & celebrate with you... its simply heartwarming...

      haha... actually i tries to keep next week free to see if any friends wanna 'book' me for celebrating.. haha... but SUN is booked by liying le ba... haha...

too much to bear

      Bruises... cuts... insects bites were all over my body... foot rots... pimples outbreak... somehow i was injured... never had time for myself... i had to endure mental torture... wasn't able to get into sleep... due to the same old matter... resulting in chatting with Daniel till 1.15+ am...

      Had been enduring my Det Comm... not really able to endure the way he works and cooperate with him... but fortunately... we did not fumble in front of OC in Kranji... or RSM in Mandai... In Kranji Dam, the whole node outperform ourselves... RID made the timing on the dot... for the first time... 30mins... though im sure we are far from it... but i feel we are getting close... all work hard for Lt Wu sake... for the first time this week... his smile was beaming...

      i don't know what happen to TH again... during Ex Falcon, he mood swing and had a misunderstanding... and after Ex... he simply paired up with Jx again... now 2 V 1.... Great... with so much physical pain... i had Det Com problem... and now back to Jx + TH problem... i am really being tore apart... Thanks to Daniel... i am able to calm myself... if not... i don't know what will happen... but now... i don't wish for anymore things le... they can treat me whatever they want... they only care for themselves... so who cares...

      If this is what you guys want... its not me giving up on friendship... but you guys decide to give it up... stop playing me out... making me suffer... you guys like it, isn't it? enough is enough... no matter how hard i tried... no matter how much i changed... nothing will be enough for you guys... i couldnt care much anymore... one day... i will go beserk...

Photonics gathering

      Photonics class was the surprise surprise group of people... haha... honestly... never had thought that i would still contact with them and still pretty close with them... We met out on SAT... went Mache, Hereen... first time to Marche... Food ok... but i prefer The Village... more variety... A long time since i last saw Joel, Pearly, HanChien etc... Too bad alot of them still couldn't make it there... Upload the 2 pictures we took soon...

      Today is Brother's birthday... so Happy Birthday to him... anyway... just now got a Blackforest cake from Compass Pt's Bengawan Solo... Looks like a christmas cake though... haha... mostly are for Christmas... but this looks most like a normal cake with beautiful outlook... taste not bad...

      Might go camp earlier to catch star awards... hmm... see how ba...

The Night

ShengXin, brother of braddell...

Jo, flew back from Aussie...

Diana, the designer...

Eunice, My god-sis...

Feng, her rare appearance...

the girls & i, after Jo's speech...

One Candid...

Mdm Ong & Ms Aljunied, Great Language Teachers

Braddellites...

prince for one night

      First of the three consecutive exercises... it doesnt seems to start well... Day One, it rains... Day Two, i fall sick... Day Three? We gave up on the vehicle & wait 6hours for the towing vehicle to come by... that's how good Military Vehicles & Services are... Get it? I guess i just tired... need rest... but hey, when will i stop whinning? haha... alright.. alright... i stop here...

      Last night was the farewell dinner to all Braddell, Westlake, Braddell-Westlake Secondary... BWSS had survived 6 years... 4yrs under the color-coordinated Monica Quek... She was simply great... *cough*... anyway... managed to see alot of great teachers like Mdm Ong, Ms Aljunied, Mrs Teo... and oh yes... very respectable Mrs Song...

      A Special Thanks to TH & Dz... TH lend me his full set of clothes... A shirt & jeans... My top went mysteriously missing... its a brand new one, ok? haiz... anyway... TH's clothes seems to do wonders... i wore and let them see... they seems to say that i should wear that kind of clothes... haha... hmm... thanks to them, i looked great last night... they made a prince out of a toad... catching some attention... oOops.. that's a little exagerating... whoever went that night... comment please... haha...

      Thanks Dz, for accompanying me to TH's place & also carried my 1000pound luggages to SengKang... Now still stinking your place isn't it...? i tried to meet up with you earlier... but guess i couldn't due to lunch with another group of friends... i get from you tonight... i owed you guys a BIG one...

      Oh ya... btw... my DVDs, e.g. David's concert, is working fine in DVD player.. just not that suitable for pc ba... but still haha... its dirty & scratchy, the disc...

rover driver

      Due to some error in management... my coy never indent driver for the exercise last week... end up me & my friends became the Rover driver... but Kelvin is more tiring than i am... even John drive more often than me... haha... might be the two reasons... #1 they more zai #2 they want to rest me more as i do other Sai Kangs also...

      Finally, i could go to the Dental Center... The 3 person i came in contact with was simply great... Dr Tng, his assistant & the receptionist... yes Dr TNG... haha... i was shocked to know that myself... haha... TNG helping TNG... i was refered to National Dental Center to remove my 2 wisdom tooth... Jx, my wisdom cause me pain too lor... haha... you can try go SAFTI then they refer you to NDC? its free... i only need to pay $60+ for consultation & X-ray fee... Why not try?

      Once again... i crossed over to Johor to change some PC programs... at the same time... shop for clothes & VCD... oh ya... not forgetting some comics... Not really plan to get anything... just that since we passed those stores... we had a look there... This time round, we went to a lot of shops that we never been before... The dinner at Ah Fook Street was great... Dz, TH & me shared a few dishes... A large variety and yet pay about RM6-7 only... isn't it cheap? Too bad Jx could not make it... nevermind, we go again next time... small group of 4... haha...

      3(4) DVDs but David's concert is spoilt... Nice variety in the shop but seems like the Disc not very clean... can see stain... maybe should go back Holiday Plaza to get...

Fun Captured

Jack brought a camera but with limited memory & also easily low-batt.... haha... but at least some fun moments were captured... who cares about the bad ones...

Conquerer O Food...
He & Kek were tag-team Champion

Kek & Jx are 2/3 of the 3 Tenors
(Jack being the last one)

Hope that we will be together forever...
We looks like boyband, isn't it?

All went JB, in the search for fun...

Outside Neway, how can we forget to take one last pic together...

plan changed

      Initial plans of clearing my shelved project was made with some changes... Supposed to go for the JingHan's farewell dinner... thankfully it was postponed due to many people unable to make it last minute... at first thought i need to miss it for salvaging a friendship that is hanging on the cliff... me ended up went for the JB outing...

      Unlike the past... this time round... i went as i was invited or should say offer an ultimatum... Initially, i reject the invitation with many points to take into considerations... like afraid that i will spoilt the trip etc... but after having a small chat... consider small ba... but its meaningful... chat last night... i decided to go for it... with support from Dz... though he was not able to make it... Giving him... giving myself one more chance...

      Objective was met... with me and TH opening up more... enjoying more times together... but still the trip did not really goes well... we went shopping for games... movies etc... most of the time separated into groups... as me & Jx still not really talking... though i tried to create converstaion... guess he is too tired due to lack of sleep... he slept around 4am... should have rest earlier since going to JB... haha... so yes... it keep going on and on... i saw the way he talk to me simply hurt me... as i could see he was happily chatting with the rest...

      this was one of the reason i ponder about going JB... but TH assure me... to settle our problem first... something i know Jx will be happy about... hence i went... and thanks to TH... he was there supporting me all the way... Its been like that till evening... we even went separated twice... haiz... i mean... me & TH with the rest... Not sure why... but it happens... hence we end up plan to meet back KTV at 5.45pm...

      It was till late KTV, Jx came back to life... something i am relieved... at one point of time... he 'went missing' and worrys me... luckily he was just doing his business in the loo... then TH's turn... couldn't find him anywhere... but he return back soon after... It was till then, Jx talk to me slightly better... and we sang together a couple of songs... and with the rest too... Kek for the first time after persuading... willing to sing at his own will... Jx too... The song we (me & Jx) first sing together is... haha... "Wo Zhen De Shou Shang Le"... what a song... At first chose Dao Dai, but he went to get food... and subsequently wanted to eat his dessert... not till this song... he sang with me... finally...

      Hence i could say the trip starts with lots of unhappiness... for me lar... but thankfully... ends with a lighter note... hopes that its not an one-off situations... i really been praying to have an improved situations... with the two of them... i'd tried hard... hope they feel it... oh ya... the Custom lady from Singapore say i looks more handsome as i slimmed down... haha... flattering comments... im in cloud nine again... Guess can sleep better tonight... eh... why Mr Wu is still not online... guess he went sleep again...?

evaluation

      its Friday night once again... booking out from the camp... its been a week, or maybe just three & a half day...? Book-in on tuesday... Couldn't say its a hectic week but its not that relaxing as well... Physically, Mentally...

      Emotionally unstable... i couldn't really concentrate what i am doing... i tried to... but easily get affected... i almost lost my cool in front of the specialists.... Jere, TeeRong & Patrick... of course, i might look a little 'hot' but i am definitely calming myself down... so never shout back... i just wanted to get the job done... so everyone can rest...

      Thanks to Teerong for solving my OFF woes... and giving me encouragement and tips just before the SOC starts... though i appear to encourage the others... i, myself... i definitely nervous like hell... i even feel stomachache & nauseous... can you believe it? haha... that's me... scarly cats... no one actually came to me and say 'jiayou'... only we SOC takers chitchat with each other... not him.. not anybody else... i so hope that my buddies were around... but unfortunately... they did not... never did they offer any consolation or encouragement... only Jin, fellow takers were there with me...

      SOC drained me completely today with the fact that its physically demanding... Thanks to TH that i managed to go through the SOC with ease... only the run down rather slack... i failed myself... i failed his goodwill.... almost went ga-ga during the nights... i went running... gym... and even trys to keep myself occupied in the spec bunks at night... wanting to keep my mind off the mental struggles...

      Guess the higher hopes i had... the more disappointed & hurt i get?... losing appetite... though i am god damn tired... i couldnt sleep... even the night before SOC... imagine not enough sleep yet i still went for SOC? N39 had been saying i was sleep talking... afraid of saying out things i shouldn't, i tried to sleep late... but i guess i failed to stop my illness...

      I gave them chance... i hope they appear during the runs, when it was draining... i hope to evaluate if i am really a friend of theirs... but all hope went dashing... i was just like or worst then N30/34 to them... at least they could laugh or initiate a chat with N30/34... to me? haha... i guess they are just too hurt...

deleted

      i had deleted the previous post... where i post my shoutings... totally went bersek last night... losing control... but don't worry, i locked myself in the room hence no one saw it... and would not be in danger... i was chatting with Jx and trying to calm myself... but somehow i was took over... i was feeling awful...

      Getting more and more fustrated & painful... i appear offline & not picking up calls... i couldn't control myself... the tears... the pain... i don't know... i just wasn't myself... i was struggling... or am still struggling... feeling fan.... Argh~!

      i want answer... yet i cant get answer as there is no answer or no answer intend to be given to me... i can't force the answer as i know it will cause unhappiness... and i do not wish to make anyone unhappy... hence i decided to struggle myself... the bowling thingy just activate me... and i overstep the limit... i am in crazy mode... bersek mode....

its the process that matters

      its been a long time since i last bowled using my own ball... and today is the great opportunity i had... i went to Marina South with Dz, Jx & TH for bowling... $1.50 per game... cheap... though lousy system... but i guess the price pay back the substandard lanes & system... a pity that Terence & non-bowling-lover Jin were not able to make it...

      After much persuading... Jx decided to book in tomorrow with TH... hence both were available... Initially, Jx was relunctant to come... but gladly he did... in the end, four of us went for the game... its been a long time since four of us went out together... I guess they did enjoyed... me? not sure...

      Using my personal ball, i did had a good run of results despite average first game... you would have thought i should be happy with scores like 155, 150... yes maybe... its been a long time since i last scored such a high score (for my standard)... but i am not really happy in fact... during the game... a situation appeared... no, not fighting nor quarrelling... but the fact that i felt as if i was playing alone...

      Jx & Dz explained that maybe due to the difference in standard and they thought i am serious about the sport... they try not to disturb my concentration... but actual fact... i toned down during the game because i felt i was once again playing alone... The previous time (Tang's dinner) was that i had no supporter... this time round? despite four players... its more of a stranger sharing lanes with 3 good friends... they enjoyed their time... but i am like all alone... its the way i feel it...

      Feeling really sad at what's going on... so what if i scored... and win almost all games... and eventual champion... i still not happy... its the process... the fun of the game... if i really go for scores... i can bowl alone, why need to ask you guys out then...? i could simply go with Dz when he asked or go alone to bowl with my ball... what for playing with friends if you are not going to communicate... what is the purpose of playing together when you couldn't have fun together...

      Kinda miss the atmosphere the bowling club used to have... HanKeong, Robin they all... spurring each other & happy for each other... friendly competition that brought us to another level... and i really regret telling people i am from learned bowling...

losin' direction

      After completing Project [Jx], all of sudden... i lost my direction of life... casting aside all my woes... i fully concentrate on the project itself... hoping to get the best result... haha.. almost forget Siang's birthday celebration... Thanks to Ber for reminding me hours before the event... Still have lots of questions in my heart unanswered... i continue to feel blue & search for some direction...

      My legs had more or less recovered... special thanks to Kek for introducing me to such a great sinseh... though the treatment was painful... but thankfully i endured through it... now recovering... something surpass my expectation... i could move without pain... but still need a little more rest to see if it can recover fully...

      Went Ktv with TH & Jin... had a good time and nice dinner... fish porridge and shared tian ji with Jin... not too bad... nice food... like the sauce especially... After which i rushed back home just to play dota with Jx... afraid that if i return too late... he will be asleep... thankfully, he did not... at first he didn't reply... hence kinda disappointed... but after awhile he went online... and we start playing... but just one game... haiz... thought can play more... but he was too tired... i guess...

      Trying my best to look happy... but i guess, i did succeed? didn't i, jin? deep within me... still feel the emptiness... the bewilderness... i begin to feel that i don't know myself... what i really want... from him... from anyone else... i guess if my questions and curosity was not answered... i would need a long time to recover... or will i?

Your Birthdate: December 19

Your Birthdate: December 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Mission Accomplished

      Not been a very good week for me... haha... when was the last time i had a good week? i wonder... haha... anyway... managed to finish the Project [Jx] on the dot after TH came down to my place right after guard duty in the morning... He did alot in this project... me? i did nothing compared to him... Lots of unhappiness throughout the week... or past few weeks actually... never been able to rest well... but glad that TH managed to make me focus on the project... he had his own problems as well... the first collaboration from the two of us... i hope the receiver will like what's inside... almost a month long project... the idea came in Sept in fact...

      Despite nursing my ankle injury, still recovering from flu & still constant vomiting... i went for SOC... i wanted to know where i actually stand... what is my standard... hence i tried to push myself... but when i know i reached my limit after the second round... i raise the white flag... i fall-out... Special thanks to Jx for suggesting to carry my rifle after instructed to walk with me back Coy line... and Dz for accompanying me to and fro the toilet... i guess i am still pretty weak for the test... but nevertheless, i will train myself up...

     Guard duty was a pleasant one... with KH & Dz taking care of me throughout... Francis, the undemanding Guard Com & Mun for willingly opting out of the Detail... i wasn't feeling that well and they let me rest... or sleep... haha... thanks alot... Unfortunately, i broke my hp cover while i was messaging during my prowling... it just cracked up... i'm pretty unlucky i guess...

     Alot of days never blog, hence sound a little long-winded... haha... but i still had a number of person to thank... so here's some shout out to them...

DZ:

      Thanks for being by my side throughout all these times & despite me making you angry... i know you had long forgiven me... but still i must apologise for whatever i had done in the past... hope i can make it up to you... i will try not to be such a bother anymore... thanks for telling me the truth... though its long ago... at least now i know that you are willing to tell me... i am some freak that i wanted to hear right from the person mouth... if i anger you in the future, please tell me... thanks...

Jin & JianXin:

      Thought that i had long been an over-dued product... A long time since i was last praised, especially by girls... a timely compliments indeed.... JianXin for telling me your gf making comments about my perfect smile... i guess its really great to know from someone who travel around the world and seen the world outside to judge my smile... Jin for telling me that someone in your blog saying that i wasn't bad looking... i had missed that comments and discussion completely despite going to your blog... guess i was too busy with the project... Thanks alot guys... i am feeling better... after the bad week... i guess i will work hard to up the ladder by shedding off my cute little boy image... to a suave dude... haha...

December Child

You think its true for me?

---

* Loyal and generous
* Patriotic
* Active in games and interactions
* Impatient and hasty
* Ambitious
* Influential in organizations
* Fun to be with
* Loves to socialize
* Loves praises
* Loves attention
* Loves to be loved
* Honest and trustworthy
* Not pretending
* Short tempered
* Changing personality
* Not egoistic
* Takes high pride in oneself
* Hates restrictions
* Loves to joke
* Good sense of humor
* Logical

Extract from FW emails...

not me?

      Do you find it strange? One week holiday and i did not update my blog everyday like i used to...? this week have been an uneven week for me... emotionally... lots of ups & downs... i have been to extreme ends... from most happy day in recent months... to the most disheartening times... but now i'm recovering le... and ready to blog again...

      Had been busy doing the project... rushing to do it... and whilst doing it... i face the emotional struggle... haha... doing this project brought me many happy memories which made me more sad... of what had happens after those fond events... thankfully, i had someone by my side... encouraging me... giving me pointers... helping me through these times... and finishing 33% of the project le... by tomorrow should be able to finish all... no dotA for me tomorrow... haha...

      This week not much events.. only on SUN i went swimming with my SI platoon mates... N33/39/35.... i enjoy that day... its my happiest times... honestly... whoever know me well, know that i won't lie... we played around... even though i injured myself sligltly when i was swimming too vigorously alone... its worth it... i get back what i thought had lost... i simply can't hide my happiness... that day... till night... everything was fine...

      We played bowling... ended up very stress... 'cos no one supports me... they say i from NYPBC... so all want to win me.. of course they did... i was under-performing... no one support me... jx never support me... 'coz ermei is there... of course he support him... Dz is one of the player... so end up i crumbled under pressure... so many platoon mates see my fall... haiz... so sad... got nice posture also no point.. couldn't deliver... disappointed with myself.. and sad that jx nv support me... oni kek & kh joke with me, i beg for their support lor.. pathetic right... haha...

      After being ask to see a doctor by Dz & Ermei... i went this morning... Last night slept early, hence i am feeling better for my flu when i woke up in the morning... Special Thanks to JiuHsiang for asking me to sleep... if not i guess i won't get better that soon.... and thanks for keeping me company by sms... i guess i had cost you alot ba... so sorry... bills pass to me k? haha... k lar... i'll stop here... i know my blog is getting more boring already, agree? hopefully not... haha...

cheapo trip

      Apart from buying the games... which i shared with Dz... this is the cheapest JB trip this year... spend about RM110 (including games) total... haiz... blame on my luck... the game in my hand is spoilt one... haiz... sianz... hope those in Dz's hands is working... my sunday was well spent...

      Went to KTV & had dinner at Sentosa which we only spend about RM15 per person... we shared 3 dish plus fried oyster & satay... worth it... pretty full... too bad Jx cannot join us... Terence too... suppose to meet the rest of the guys... but we had a change of plan... so we never met up... Me, Dz, WL & TH went cheaper ktv... haha...

      Going to to take the advance theory later... wish me luck, man... pray for me... now going into one hour of intensive study le... ciaoz...

nothing to be happy about

      Yeah~! i did pass my adv. theory... but not as happy as i thought i might be... almost lost my hp... At first, i thought it was in my dad's car... so i did make a call (no one pick up)... before entering the room for test... but when i finish one round... i suddenly feel that it is by the road side... there is a possibility since my parents never pick up the call... hence, i panicked...

      Trying to finish fast & check fast... after i confirm i finish the test & pass... i rushed out to the road side & discover my lost hp... i was happy after that.. not for the test but for the phone... most wish me all the best & congrats me while i pass... but some, disappointingly, seems not amused or doesn't care at all... giving comments that you thought they might say for the sake of saying... its sad case but i could do nothing about it... hence my spirit was brought down a little...

      After which i went IKEA with Jin... there we had lots of misjudgement and end up wasting alot of time trying to get transport.... No cab... we ended up in mrt... we had enough time wasting le... haha... Jin get the required stuff le... though short of one item in his shopping list...

      Still not feeling very well... emotionally & physically... might go and see a doctor tomorrow... we'll see how...

nuttin much

      Rested the whole day at home... Enjoy some dotA session with Jx... KH, Fab... get to learn a new hero... as usual... i am the weakest link... haha... but trust me... i try to improve le... and is trying very hard... at least my death rate decreased and i did had one or two kill? haha...

     Jianxin seems to have fallen sick... Must take care leh... these days... people keep falling sick... Watched Naruto 157... a little lame and this episode contains a little bit of humor elements... so i guess i shouldnt be complaining, huh?

      Wondering who had actually come my blog often and how often they came... suddenly have that thinking... haha... i guess you guys should post more message in my tagboard... haha...

Stay The Same

Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be the way
You are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
'Cause there's nothin' 'bout you I would change
Whatever you want to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show you the way
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
'Cause there's nothin' 'bout you I would change
Reach down inside
The love you find
Will set you free
You'll come out right
Have faith in what you do
You'll make it through
You were someone else
You were meant to be the way (you were meant to be)
You are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself (love yourself)
You're better of by far
'Cause there's nothin' of you I would change (change)
No there's nothin' 'bout you I would change(Don't change)
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same
I think that you could be
Don't you ever wish
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same
Believe in yourself
Believe in yourself
Don't you ever wish
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same(Stay the same)

sentosa champs

      Today is our Coy Outing @ Sentosa... everybody is complaining before any games... but when the game start... we are fully involved and hoping to do the best out of it... N39 man managed to win the first game while the whole node won the second game to emerge as overall champion... its rather fun...

      its been a long time since i last had so much fun... during our free time... we played frisbie in Captain's Ball style... and beach vollyball... some of them play water polo too... Lots of laughter... enjoyment... a group of us even play with a group of Sec1 girls vollyball team... managed to trash them in second game... haha...

      i did enjoy today despite the fact that i must get myself invovle in activities in order to forget all other woes... i can't be alone... thankfully... most of the time... Specialists ask me to join them... they keep me company in swimming and games... so thankful to them... and MR WU never even get into water... hmph~! never suntan with me also... don't friend him le... hmph~!behind all these enjoyment... i suffer a little... had slightly sprained my leg again... hopefully its alright... haha... i guess no one saw it... this shows my acting not bad... if i let PC/PS know... i jialat le... i still need to train SOC de...

---

Xiang(Jx),

      Had been thinking a long time... it seems like we had been drifting apart in the real world... the only time when i feel that you treat me as your buddy or close friend is when we are in the dotA world... why couldn't we be that lively or chat happily in the real world... maybe we are both too comfortable in our own area... our own world... i guess i had never been into your world... Jx, if you did see my blog... i guess you should know how i felt all these while... hope you open up to me more... and bring this virtual world to the real life... i'm really struggling... but what's consoling is... i guess, u are living a happy life... that's good...

---

inferior

      what a week... apart from thinking about friendship... i had illness to think about... Teeth... Ankle... then came the vomiting part... haiz... not knowing why... simply feel like vomiting during the Guard Duty on Mon... and its been like that since... not having good appetite too... not sure of the reason... slightly better... Dz use my lines to shoot me to see a doctor... guess i had to if i still not well by Friday...

      Haven't been studying my advance theory... must start soon... haha... do the questionaire from Dz's book... Hope to clear it once and for all... even though i had a feeling that its gonna repeat what had happened during military lessons... i pass all theory in one take... but driving practical took me 6 times... and the sixth time is the last time... haiz...

      Feeling more and more inferior nowadays... had not been doing very well... i try to show my care and did not really felt appreciated at times... but its ok lar... since i do feel ashame from what i did to him or them last time... like what i told Dz... i could & would only blame myself for how things been turning out...

      A month of inactiveness in exercises... i am afraid of failing both SOC & IPPT... seeing others working so hard for SOC... making me ashame... all i did was stay in bunk or at the ending point... haiz... i guess i won't get to pass it... but i will definitely work hard... hope the rest could help to motivate me or pace me then... don't know why... feeling more and more inferior these days... maybe due to what i see and what i feel... too late to update now... maybe will update about this incident another day...

advance theory

      Last night had a meet up with Jenson, Twins, Ris & Long... ended up 4am then leave... they don't let me go due to 'some reasons' and ended not playing dotA... haha... sad leh... what to do... haiz...

      i went to book Adv. Theory or Final Theory this morning... guess what... There wasn't any long queue... so not much waiting... then when i booked... someone had withdraw from the 30th Oct test date... ended up, i took the slot... Others wait for 2 months just for the test... me? 9 days... must buck up soon... Everything just been pretty smooth... Dz, thanks for accompanying me there...

      After which i went to get something for the someone special... haha... the 'Project Special' is for that someone... his birthday is round the corner... hope he like what me & my friends had been planning to give him... haha... the idea first came 1-2 months before the actual day...

      Not much dotA today... but did play FIFA with Dz... having fun but no communication... hmm... due to no such function... my sis using the pc now... update another time ba...

weakling me

      JD4 is an unforgettable experience for me as a driver... i drove Land Rover, not the aircon one mind you... and had a number of problem... almost has a wheel down a steep drain & crashing into a wall... Of course, its not the normal road that i was travelling but the cross country road... i guess i had scared 2Lt Wu out of his wits... haha... i'm definitely shakened... Rover simply couldn't went up slope & even had smoke in numerous occassion omiting an unpleasant burning smell... But seems nothing was burnt...

      Due to my ankle injury... i was still not able to participate in any SOC training... when i saw Jx & TH doing it with their hearts out... i simply felt so out of place... i wanted to join them... but i couldn't... hence a little sad... but all i could do for them is taking care of them... making sure they are alright & keeping an eye on their rifle... Jx & TH... u guys are great... even though might not meet SOC passing timing YET... but in my heart... you guys are the champions... haha... My hearts goes with you guys...

      Last week's dotA seems to be laggy when i play in KR's server... even though i get assurance & encouragement from Jx... i still decide to quit after 'holding on the line & staying with him'.... haha...

      Was happy that he initiate chat with me... everything is like slowly back into place... although might not be like the rest... but i'm contented... meeting hao, wen, jenson & ris for a movie... hmm.. wonder if ris's 2 friends are friendly...

good night rest

      Awaiting for the ARMAS... but end up there isn't any today... Hope tomorrow also don't have... its contradicting feeling... if it happens... im happy too... as i would not need to do another house visit next time round... but if not activated... i can rest at home playing with the rest WC3... watching my shows... and focusing on my project for that someone special to me...

     My ankle is not showing much sign of recovery... i think would not be able to do much exercise for next few days at least... have little difficulty in walking but must be a rather slow pace... the pain is still endurable... haha... so don't worry... even if its painful... i will not show you guys my painful face... haha... Terence even thought that my leg was not that painful... haha... i learnt to cover up so as not to let them worry...

      Got to sit in Dz's car... erm... his dad's... driving VERY safe... which is good... Singapore needs good driver... Dz, you can relax more... its an honour to sit in your vehicle right after you get your license... even you say i accompany you... its you provide me with company too... and transport home...

      i was feeling very happy now... hehe... 'cos he finally did talk to me like usual le... showing care too... i thought he wouldn't care about me anymore... haha... small kids huh? hmph~! We talk through msn & in game... but at least we did communicate... so i am very glad, excited & relieved... haha... i am sure i'll get a good sleep... Nitez...

sprained leg

      Got injured on the second day of the week... hmm... SOC... sibei jialat... i want to train and pass SOC... but somehow i injured myself... my landing was poor... not knowing why... couldn't concentrate... and end up slowing down at the high ramp... Maybe not enough sleep... maybe having other thoughts...? i don't know... but i did injured... Now limping around... Don't worry... it did get slightly better & i receive treatment from Sinseh already... though doesn't seems to be VERY effective... but let's observe for next few days...

      Was kinda worried for Jx's tooth... especially he didn't say much to me... but since he just now sms say "not a major problem"... i'm more an xin le... mei shi jiu hao... Don't wish to have him follow my footstep... i have weak teeth... the feeling is awful... whoever undergoes root canal treatment before would feel me... Its definitely not something that those healthy people can imagine... argh... my appointment is on 25th Nov, i think...

      Thx Dz for accompanying me once again to Toa Payoh for the Sinseh... Hmm... tomorrow hope that 3DIV will not be activated... haha... or else... i would have a busy time... Till then... back to gaming with Jin, Jx & friend, Dz...

a complete day

      a rather busy day... haha... i am all around Singapore... From Thomson to Hougang to SengKang to Punggol... Visited 8 Houses (never enter though)... 1 Sports Hall & one Shopping Center...

      Meet JiaHui, XY, YY, LY for FairPrice @ Thomson Plaza visit... Vivian, Weiliang & LaiHong still working there... too bad never get to see Annie & Iris... hmm... YY say i look pale... Susan say i look better last time... haha.. with more flesh... hmm... all found me getting thinner... am i? hmm... Do miss the place... hmm... too bad i don't think i'll return anymore... as a worker lar...

      After that... Hougang Sports Hall... played badminton with WP, HM & Allan... all very pro... i am the only one who still cant 'smack' haha... and a number of misses... i saw my own weak points... haha... CLC & FP went there do nothing... haha... never play at all... strange... but of course, they didn't pay for the Courts... hmmm a very nice 3h session... looking forward for more...

      The worst thing of the day was the 3h cycling... i went to 8 houses for the NSmen Recall thingy... and only managed to get 2 signature on my first 'shift'... then i went home almost knocked out... to have my dinner at 8+pm... before my sister drove me to the final 3 places... In the end... i get 4 signatures... 1 tomorrow birthday and turning 40... no need recall, so i never go his place... 4 not available at home for SAT/SUN... and 1 Champion who MIA... that one i don't know how...

     i know Jx complete his task too... which is good... wonder if kang complete too... me failed to complete... with one MIA... sianz... All kind of people i met... some changes here and there... haiz... but anyway... at least its over... :x

heartfelt

      Finally, the course had came to an end... Adv. MSET... a ITE paper... hmm... think have a few mistakes... but passing shouldn't be a problem... managed to concentrate on the paper... though i still feel like vomiting even till afternoon... haiz...

      Went Chong Pang for Nasi Lemak with Terence, Jq, Dz & Kek... not too bad lar... though Dz say Punggol taste better... After that i had free 'dumplings' from Ek's mum... haha... Not bad... After that we went to meet Summer & friends... for ktv... sing a few song before took a cab & rush back home... as i promise Kang & Jx for a game of Warcraft... but it seems too late after i finish patching... played awhile... which we did not even finish a game... sad... i guess its fated... wonder if i am the one that lag them... hmm...

      Told Jq & Dz about how i feel on 'the actions' but of course, nothing was expected from them... as they respect my actions... hence never really react that strongly... hmm... so im still feeling ok... and Thx Jin for the wonderful AfterEight chocolate... sweet in the mouth... warmth in the heart... haha... i do need something then... and that is the one...

sick

      Today's MSET was pretty boring... learn little... but get to drive LR for awhile when troubleshooting another 3 LR... stayed in the air-con room for almost the whole day...

      Not feeling well in the morning... Not knowing why... but feel like vomiting... or i actually did vomit... once... i keep drinking water to keep myself 'clear'... but i went to toilet countless times... haha... i guess water keep your urine 'clear' too... Not much appetite... i guess i am sick ba...

      Just installed Frozen Throne (thanks to Jx), Red Alert 2 (thanks to Dz)... but as for Yuri's Revenge... i don't have the CD-key... hence not installed yet...

      Things seems to be ongoing for awhile... had been forcing myself to look normal... but i guess, i succeed... haha... or at least do look normal ba... i tried to keep myself busy so as not to think too much... but when i'm back alone... thoughts began pouring in again...

first day

      First day of Adv. MSET and i felt sian already... we were seated ard 8am and only begin to move into groups around 9am... which is a wastage of time... not enough rest as this Adv. MSET's environment had totally changed, compared to Basic MSET... All instructor, apart from two, are new faces... pretty strict rules are enforced... i feel there are pros & cons though... shalln't elaborate that...

      At times, i felt that what's the point of clearing your unhappiness when there is no turning of events... hmm... sometimes disappointment will result in having lesser motivation to ask question ba... if a student ask 10 questions to a teacher & the teacher in return failed to reply any of them... Do you think a student will ask again? if i am the student... i'll simply keep quiet...

      Feeling the problem lies in me... what can i do? Since i observed that no matter how much i said... things will improve only for the following two days... and no more... i guess its the CSM case... maybe its just me... so if myself did not change... i will feel that all around me wasn't what i wanted it to be... feeling tired yet no mood for sleep... need to force myself again...

      Perhaps... just that he or they don't really cares...

flames

      Just two days in Jurong... Booked out for Adv. MSET in Sembawang Camp for the next 3 days... will be staying out... Before booking out, we had Detachment lessons... TSD most tiring as their lesson was directly after SOC... RID? only stress as CO came over and have a look follow by a 'why RID is important' talk... hmm...

      SOC was indeed tiring... especially with Gortex... and two full bottles... you can 'feel' it... At first i wanted to have a run when i reached home... but seems that i was not having the mood... maybe tiredness and mini things that happen in camp makes me lose morale ba...

      Different people have different characters and hence deal things differently... what i view as actions that i use being closer to the person end up become a taboo action... hmm... sound ironic? hmm... for those who know me... i always place my hand at another person shoulder (seldom on girls though) but i guess to a small group of people... i am actually killing their 3 flames... its some chinese saying... Reason given as pan-dang... maybe i shall stop the motion ba... and keep my hands to myself...

      Even though what Terence may be right... saying that they are just joking... but it seems like its for real... so i guess i can only be unhappy within myself ba... sian... don't know what to say lar... just feeling down... disappointed... whatever...

      Need to go and visit 10 NSmen houses stretching from Yio Chu Kang Rd to Punggol... on SAT's 8-10pm... can i do it? hope so...

gathering

      Qiang's grandparent's place was pretty easy to find but due to the inadequate description... haha... but thankfully, i had a mild impression about the location... so i can ask my dad to stop at the junction before making a U-turn and head back to search for it...

      Singapore was indeed small... i saw my attachment partner from NYP who happens to be in the same camp with Qiang... and they also know Alvin... my Jaguar's section mate... Its been a long time since we last met... so i guess its nice to see them again... Afterwhich, we went to Ktv @ Cuppage till 4am... its really very tiring... Anyhow, i think my voice & Hanwei's compliment each other... nice and harmonious... now i could still feel the tiredness...

      Then went to meet Photonics people... haha... My study budz... All are clever ass... oOops... i mean smart people... HM, CLC & gf, WP, FP & one of their friend, WH.... We watch the movie starring Karen Mok & Andy Lau... not bad actually ... pretty touching... a few of us almost cried... haha... Anyhow... the kids are simply cute... haha.. especially the one acting like andy & his little brother.... After that we had a few pool games before i leave them... They are pretty good... me? simply lucky... haha...

      Alright... need to go le... need to entertain my young little cousin, Berwin le...

Children Day

      its Children Day... so... HAPPY CHILDREN DAY~! its been 10 years since i last celebrate Children Day... haha... can still remember those times we get off during school day and celebrate in Hall as a school... haha... oh ya... Happy Birthday, Qiang... going Qiang's celebration later...

      Everything had turned out to be fine... things had been sorted out... hence i am feeling so much more relieved and glad... pretty happy now... hehe... silly me, isn't it?! Sorry... but that's simply me... haha... Though still feeling a little weak & stomach not really recovered... but i guess i'm feeling better le... my eye's condition has not improve yet... think it will take some days...

      Busy burning out songs or anime out from pc... 'cos pc disk space low... haha... still wonder we don't have much game... and why is the pc lack of space... Minusing the anime... hmm... where is the rest of the 10GB space? haha... me just s**ks in everything...

      Alright... preparing to go to Qiang's grandma's place le...

Lonely

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo, this one here goes out to all my players out there man, ya know
Got to have one good girl whose always been there man like, ya Know
Took all the bullshit then one day
She cant take it no more and decides to leave
I wont up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side,
Coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was deenin,
So I hadda take a little ride,
Back tracking over these few years,
Trying figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
'Cos ever since my girl left me,
My whole left life came crashin'...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Can't believe I had a girl like you
And I just let you walk right out of my life,
After all I put u thru u still stuck around and stayed by my side,
What really hurt me is I broke ur heart,
Baby you were a good girl and I had no right,
I really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl
that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run
And I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be,
Aint noone in the globe id rather see
Then the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now so lonely...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Never thought that id be alone,
I didnt hope you'd be gone this long,
I jus want u to come home,
so stop playing girl and Come on home come on home,
baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out,
I never wished Id ever Hurt my baby,
and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
Mr. Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
So lonely, Mr. Lonely...

tough & sick

      a rather tiring week... not been feeling very well... having stomachache, though not severe... and headache for the past few days... nauseous & lost of appetite too... hmm... guess im on my way to lose more pounds... haha... couldn't concentrate on stuff i do too... like the parade...

      i couldn't concentrate much during the rehearsals... and had to force myself to concentrate on the actual parade to minimize my mistake to some minor one... that could be covered up... during the rehearsal, i had been bombarded with comments, scoldings etc... since the very beginning of the SAR21 Drill... most of us used 3-4days to perfect the drills & parade... so i guess... a round of applause for all the marching contigents esp. 3SIG after having two COC in one week... tough, huh!?!

      if i appeared naggy in front of you guys, i do all these for your own good... i hope i do help a little by changing your bad habits... i have too... i am trying my best to change too... e.g. shaking of legs... Samuel keep reminding me to stop shaking... and i did... when he around though... :x but i know he meant well... and many people told me likewise... so i am trying to change... though its slightly difficult to do it all alone... so i thought that a gentle reminder could do no harm... even if you guys hate me for that... haha... but i'm okay as long as you changed for good...

      i guess 'once hurt twice shy' theory had caused me to have someone dislike my behaviour... i had lost two once-close friendship... even though back in talking terms in both occassions... the after-effects still do affect my life... afraid that i would lose another one... Maybe i tried too hard... maybe im too sensitive... maybe i'm too weak & dependent... why would these things happens to anyone else? A question that i once been thinking and was reminded by Dz... i guess my character had a serious problem... Once my greatest asset, my eyes... may just turn out to be my weakest point... this is also the reason for me to speak more freely in front of the pc or through the phone...

      Maybe you guys had heard it many times... but all i'm showing is care... i do care... and i am worried... but maybe i'm over-zealous... and caused negative effects... as long as you guys are living happily... i'll be happy... no matter how i'm treated... 'cos i always believed that only true friends can tolerate one's angst... bring it on...

Jaguar Rox

      What an outing... 1 NSPI, 3 Officers, 3 Specialists (1 regular)... and i am the only MAN there... sian right? haha... but having them serve me food is simply rare... haha... when will u get officers & specs to serve u food... haha... they are my friends from Jaguar... a few more were not available today... Moreover... it marks exactly one year since i POP from Tekong... YahooO~!

      i'm the only one late... yet they all treat me like big boss... haha... yapz... they treat me very good... so happy to see them... i do miss them... oh ya... my darling was there... hehe... if u saw the testimonials of mine in friendster... you would know who my darling is... so glad that they are all 'alive' haha...

      We had Dim Sum Buffet @ Tea House (i think) before head for LAN games in Far East... Dim Sum's variety was so-so... but still we enjoy chatting... haha... As for LAN... we had fun too... but my pc a little laggy at times...

      Weizhi told us about the incident where he was stabbed when working in GV Jurong Point... before army... but yet... the police is doing nothing... its a sad case... hearing that Singapore still have this kind of stuff... and of course... i found out some dark side facts from this outing too... make me lose faith a little with Singapore's security...

      Most importantly he survived from that incident... if i were him... i might be shocked for life... haha...

hectic week

      A rather hectic week for me... After being 'demoted' to the reserve squad.. :x for the CO's COC parade... and being 'marked' by CSM... i moved on and be involved in making two banner... for the event as well... so-called under 'Farewell' category as my PC is in-charge...

      Didn't had mood for the parade and also being misunderstood by CSM for one action... but glad that the rest all understand my part... so i wasn't that sad... Command was given wrongly, hence i didn't move... but the rest of the 4 contigents moved... so i'm at fault... if it was those days... i might be sad for being picked out... haha... alot of us was out of the squad... including Dz & Jx (84 & 82)... 3 of our rifle coincidentally formed... 82... 84... 86... haha...

      Out of parade, i was asked to do banner on WED night... i ended up do till wee hours... special thanks to Jx, Dz & TH... they came down to the office to help me... or else, i might took longer... we finished the drawing of banner at 3.30am... and the next day i do a simpler one and stop work at 12.25am... 2LT Wu was doing by himself... hence TH asked if i can go down with him to help.. and we did... Both banners received praises... 2nd banner received more help... from N33/39...

      I had always tried to accept TH... and i guess this incident build a bridge... Tian Shi, Di Li, Ren He... Although we are back to talking terms... i still need time to fully accept him... give me time... i had been trying very hard... trust me... Some conflicts or, more likely should be called, misunderstanding in between... but glad that cleared out just now... If Jx never reply my message... i might felt worse...

      Felt tired... sad... scared... on my way home... especially when Dz was too tired & fell asleep... i was back alone... had been thinking alot... but its all over... like Jx say... i even thought of posting a 'close friend' post to say my disappointment... but its cleared... i guess we are just people who can't express ourselves well... i guess i should be more open to him & express more to the people around me... i've learned... and still learning... and i will definitely be a better man...

      "Human normally will show more temper to people he is closer with... 'cos he know that they will always forgive them..." its from Channel 8, 9pm show... i totally agree and to me, i guess, is always "he/she expect more from people he/she is close with... hence react differently towards them"

      i felt so relieved and happy to clear my unhappiness... hehe...

Anime

      i guess i had fully recovered from the pain i had over the last few weeks... i had problems with breathing, swallowing, coughing etc... felt pain when doing all these... i don't even have the strength or mood to speak... its rather worrying...

      Watched the rest of Dear Boys... can pass to Jx le... story not bad... but drawing is a little disappointing... i guess this old series does not enjoy the programs we had today... hence not as beautiful as today's anime... hmm.. wondering which anime to go next... maybe Fullmetal... or Xmen ba...

      Get a plushie cushion to hug... its the material i and Kok Hong had been searching for... moreover its paid by my parents... haha... its nice to hug... c", ) Not much people online... No Jx... No Dz... Jin awhile only... hmm... i'm bored...

lost & found

      i didn't have a good week once again... yes.. "what's new?" isn't it? i've almost lost my handphone and i almost lost two most important friendship... glad its all over...

      i merely wanted my friends to be happy... and i felt jealous and afraid that my friend will be 'snatched' away... so i am feeling troubled... maybe you guys might say i 'think too much' or have 'silly thoughts' but how would you feel when your close friends are always with someone you don't like...? maybe i'm just too petty, obsessive or whatsoever... but i'm just afraid of losing friends...

      i isolate myself from the rest... keeping quiet... sitting alone... and thought they will be happier without my presence... i guess i am wrong... i brought them more worries... and i felt so useless as i always thought i bring nothing but troubles... on the way to Justin's chalet... i left my phone on taxi... Jx & Dz chased after the taxi with me... even though we failed to catch the taxi... they never gave up... unlike me... they called my phone, hoping someone picked it up... and yes... the kind passenger picked up the phone and made a U-turn to return me my phone...

      Despite my wilfulness & temper... Dz & Jx never gave up on me... and Terence & KH joined us and think of ways to get back the phone before the call gets through... i'd felt that i let them down... and when i felt remorseful about my actions these days... i thought there wasn't a turning back... i talked to sito and felt its my fault for what happen & thought Jx & Dz was angry with me and will no longer treat me as friend... this in return cause more pain in my heart... more lost...

      But i am very glad that they never really gave up on me... Even though Jx say he almost wanted to bash me up... he want me to wake up therefore have that thoughts... i've always wanted someone to really bash me up... as i felt i've always been protected by friends... maybe i need some bashing to clear my mind... no matter what... i'm relieved to have Dz & Jx back... and sorry to others who had been worrying for me... Jin... Terence... Kek... sito... and even Chester... just to name a few... hmm... I'M ULTIMATELY SORRY...

      Hope that my appetite will return soon... these weeks of major exercises, AHM had caused me to lose about 2-3kg... which is pretty surprising.... my weighing machine always placed me around 73kg-75kg for months... and i thought its spoilt... then last night... before my usual run... i noticed it dropped... so i guess... i really did lose some pounds... hmm... Anyway... i'm feeling better le...

AHm

      Yesterday, i made my specs, collect my contact lens... and went ktv with Jin only... Due to the 'GF Day' most guys accompany their gf or the rest had activities on... leaving only me & Jin... not bad i did enjoy myself... but i hate the group of guys keep looking over my direction... i guess they are commenting the actions i came up with while singing... you know what i mean? Thanks Jin...

      AHM today... its only 12km for me... but its definitely longer than the BN Run's 12km... every KM check pt. seems to be pretty far apart... but glad i made it... at first i thought of just walk through it... but young kids & handicap participants shamed me... and i suddenly felt motivated to run... so i end up running after the 2km mark... its really a 'mind run' as its all in your mind to finish it... of course, i am not fast... Dz & Jx are pretty fast... many participants ended up go for the 6km... due to 2 reasons... #1 lazy.... #2 poor management.... there isn't indications at the spliting points... i run up to the marshall to ask... at least i did complete 12km...

      I had tried to be happy... but i am totally worn out... and couldn't hide my feelings... im not unhappy about the run, Jx... but i guess you more or less know the reason le... i'm in dilemna on whether to leave or stay... but thanks for sms-ing me... i never thought you would do that... you are definitely a good friend... knowing where i stand did make me felt more comfort...

      up till now... i still remember a question that i had always been asking myself... but Dz brought it up that day on FRI's run... "Not asking other people... ask yourself... did you have any achievement...?" I guess apart from the fact that i did slim down... all by myself... there is no achievement at all... sadly but its true... that is why i always say my life is empty...

      it may be unfair and i know i am selfish... but i just thought that maybe... if you guys don't care about me... you guys might be more happy... that is why... if you guys are happy... im happy le... i don't wish to affect any other people's mood...

friendship

      its something strange... and fate had it spiritually connected... somehow... you need friends... no matter how independent you are... to me? as i always said... its very important... and i couldnt carry on living without my friends... especially those very close to me... no need further mentioning... you all know who you are...

      I wonder if its GOD toying me or they just want me to get back to whom i should be... i was amused by what had happened over and over again... and its something unexplainable... or is it merely coincidence? Like i said... there are times when i almost thought i should be all alone... there are messages from friends or actions from them... telling me that they are there... assuring me that they stand by me...

      A few times when i am down... and felt so alone... CgM send me sms... those FWD message... even though many people thought that its pretty 'bo liao'... especially for guys sending to guys... but it is this that maintain the link between two person... CgM is my BMT darling... haha... its strange... but it do happens... i somehow felt that he could actually tell that i am down even he is not by my side... ridiculus? i don't know...

      If that is not spiritual connection... then what about the multi-coincidence i had with Dz... there are many times when we spoke the same words at a same pace with same tone (at times)... So can anyone explain to me that? Somehow he know how i felt... without me explaining much... he know where i stand and seldom did he misunderstand me... only me can't really know what he thinks... haha... as he almost reveal nothing to me... or there is nothing to reveal... same bunk for at least 11months... so i guess the connection is built there? There are times when only i know what he trying to joke when the rest don't... hmm... spiritual connection huh?

      When i felt insecure of who i am recently... i saw KoonEk & KR leaving a testimonial for me... which somehow did spur me on a little... knowing that people appreciate me... that is the reason... i guess... why i am still pondering about... whether i am bringing happiness or simply making people around me unhappy... especially those who cares... like Jx & Dz... Should i stay? or Should i go?

defeated

      Thoughts simply flashed through my mind... Questions kept poping up in my brain... Music of A-do was playing in my Discman... At the moment of time... i almost went berserk... i grabbed my head and calmed myself down... Dz, i wasn't sleeping... i was trying to control my emotions... at that moment... i almost wanted to shout out loud... 'i had Enough~!' to myself... mind almost bloated...

      Unfair it may seems... but i had thought that there is no other way out... Friendship had disappoint me once after another... There are many times i wanted to give up the 'close friendship/buddy' i had... and i placed quote it as it may just turn out to be one-way thinking... many times... friends hurt me... indirectly... to them... its the way they normally behaves... but to me... maybe due to the fact that i expect alot from buddies... its just not what i thought buddies should be... But yet whenever i thought that i might as well be alone... they happened to show that there is a glimpse of light for the buddy-ship...

      its the struggle between the heart & brains... and its the emotions that became the victim... i guess its hard for me to open my heart again... and i might soon be isolated personel... i'm too tired to carry on... too afraid to get hurt again... i'm totally defeated... this time round, i guess i wouldnt be able to stand up again... for months i tried... to no avail... but who cares? and who's with me anyway...? i've thoughts of sending out emails to Jx, Dz, Jin and maybe Ber... maybe if GOD never toyed me around... i might be more decisive...

      My mind now is very messy... i don't know what i wrote in this post also... i didn't had the best of my time... losing EZ-link on my way back... i don't know what i am going to do next... my indecisiveness is killing me... Ignore me... Ignore this post... its not important... i guess my email is more important... as soon i may no longer be important... wat toking me?... Beats me...

      Army? Ex Diamond Link came to an end... and glad that this Ex allow me to talk to Dz abit... After the Ex, my spects broke... BN run today.... Jx & Kang was damn fast even Jx refused to admit... today's run is a proof... i can't seem to catch up... i had lost the will to run & the interest in running... Today's run was 'conditioning' for SUN's Army Half Marathon... i don't think i can make it anymore...

a note from my heart

      Never had i send such a large number of songs within one day to another person... haha... but hopefully the songs i sent are nice to you... to me.. it is.. and i choose it with sincerity...

      Thanks to Ber & Jx over the weekend... chat with me.. oh ya.. Jin as well for all the Project Superstar Songs... i'm feeling better now... i just need time to gain back the confidence i lost... but watching Project SuperStar is spur on for me... Weilian's songs had always managed to touch my heart and i did again drop tears for him... Wonderful~! That's what i like about singing... able to reach out to the mass... with your heart...

      my strength, i guess, lies in my singing... maybe i am not a good singer or often more irritating than melodious... i somehow feel comfortable in singing... and forget much woes when im singing... as i always wanted to 'wow' people with my voice.. but no courage to do so... hence KTV is the place i had been... i don't want to be a burden to people... don't want them to worry for me... so i'll try to motivate myself... cheer myself... learn to be less petty... less demanding... but i do hope that you guys can stand by me...

      at times, i may really be irritating... and may even step on your tails... but i mean no harm... honestly... i would hurt myself more than anyone else... especially my love ones... my friends... i am trying my best to learn but its not going to be easy and i really need you guys motivating me... if i did anything bad or behaving not right... hope you guys understand... and provide a gentle reminder... i may not express that i appreciate it... but honestly i do... i just a person that don't really know how to express myself well...

      i want to apologise if i did cause any unhappiness to you guys... but i hope that i will never lost you guys... and last but not least... a big... Thank you....

fresh air

      Needed some fresh air... i decided to go COMEX today with the rest... namely Kek, Jq, Dz, Kang, Edwin, Terence, TH & WL... Never thought that i would see Jx... haha.. coincidence... Yao Qiang, YiLon, Jin, RenJie, Kelv are also in the house... but i only managed to see YQ & YL... separately...

      Managed to brighten up my spirit a little... and glad i didn't become exhausted till going home timing... Never joined them for dinner... as usual little appetite and i am full with just 7 pieces finger food, 1 black pepper puff & 1 sour plum juice... imagine?! hmmm...

      i rewarded myself with an affordable 512 mp3 player... its cheapo brand but the cost is big to me... although many won't believe my saying... $130+ ... one of the most expensive stuff i had spluge on... but mp3 is something i wanted for a long time... since my 2nd discman spoilt and 1st discman's LCD soon broke after that...

      i did a little stun today... a little crazy but its fun when i think back... using my handphone voice recorder... Too bad... Jin's, Jx's phone couldn't play the file while Dz accidentally delete it without knowing that its a media file... haha...