想太多

(Nicky 李玖哲)

你笑着说 他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔

我的不安 那么沉重
只有你不懂

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说 我们 不是你和我

是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由
我想我沒有错怪了什么
虽然你不说 都是错在我
太晚我才懂 爱了你太多
OH``
是我想太多 你总这样说
但你却沒有真的心疼我
是我想太多 我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

under questioning...

      Maybe i am not suitable to be a leader... nor do i have any leadership quality. My leadership and ability was put under the limelight after failing to complete any report that i am supposed to do. But hey, i went on and checked 5-6 type of defects alright. Majority is trouble report as well... But that maybe an excuse to them. They can simply asked... why am i doing the amount more than i can handle. But wait, before i get reprimanded, what if i hand over these defect? Will i get scolding too? I guess so... at least... that's how i think...

      My remaining member is not performing well enough... He isn't suitable for FA job... our job. He is neither fast learner or fast in terms of checking & writing a report. He, himself,is planning to leave but stayed till another member is ready... on my account. He feel i helped him and feel bad if he left me alone. But still, i tried to teach what i can and handling my own defects well... maybe i am really slow... maybe i shouldn't be as hardworking... do things that i couldn't handle.

      Things hasn't been well recently, and i do expect scolding email... since i had been OT-ing for the past 3 days plus... receiving emails since i am back in Singapore. Losing enthusiasm in working... No longer looking forward at work...

      I wanted to love myself more... and i am working towards it... but guess its harder these days... till my work life improve as well... i will try NOT to hate myself... rather than love myself...

Looking back...

     Thinking back 2007... i don't feel any big achievement at all. Yes, i was promoted in June to become a leader... But that seems to be all... plus... my promotions was largely due to lack of options for my superior... i always thought so...

     Not alot of significant events that stand out in a rather plain year... wait... actually i can think of some... maybe too many things perhaps? causing my confusion... i lost track of time anyway due to shift work. There is 2 chalet i co-organised... XY's Chalet & KW's Chalet. Then i also did a few gifts for my friend's farewell & birthday... Get to know Nat... Then late 2007... there is my birthday celebration (The Amazing Race), Bowling Marathon, HongKong Trip and those gifts i received... from different people out there... some with great meanings. I also return to organising with the two chalets & New Year BBQ. The saddest event would have to be losing one of my poly clique... Jeremy... Rest in peace, bro...

     But when come to checking my resolution checklist. I failed terribly with a big 'F'... World Peace? haha i managed to do so for playing less Command & Conquer: General... but i failed to keep my weight at 60-65kg region... only get fatter & fatter... i also failed at my applications to local university... making a huge dent at my ego... haha... As for being a better person? hmm... i don't know if i achieved that... i feel i didn't...

     Hence this year... i guess resolutions doesn't work for me that well... so should i still be setting it? Let's see... what i want to achieve in 2008... I will have to work my body & keep it in shape to fit in clothes... & hopefully FINALLY get into a courses i would love to study... Changing a better job & hoping to stay happy in 2008, will be my remaining things on my wish list.

     Anyway, Happy 2008.... My dear friends...