under questioning...

      Maybe i am not suitable to be a leader... nor do i have any leadership quality. My leadership and ability was put under the limelight after failing to complete any report that i am supposed to do. But hey, i went on and checked 5-6 type of defects alright. Majority is trouble report as well... But that maybe an excuse to them. They can simply asked... why am i doing the amount more than i can handle. But wait, before i get reprimanded, what if i hand over these defect? Will i get scolding too? I guess so... at least... that's how i think...

      My remaining member is not performing well enough... He isn't suitable for FA job... our job. He is neither fast learner or fast in terms of checking & writing a report. He, himself,is planning to leave but stayed till another member is ready... on my account. He feel i helped him and feel bad if he left me alone. But still, i tried to teach what i can and handling my own defects well... maybe i am really slow... maybe i shouldn't be as hardworking... do things that i couldn't handle.

      Things hasn't been well recently, and i do expect scolding email... since i had been OT-ing for the past 3 days plus... receiving emails since i am back in Singapore. Losing enthusiasm in working... No longer looking forward at work...

      I wanted to love myself more... and i am working towards it... but guess its harder these days... till my work life improve as well... i will try NOT to hate myself... rather than love myself...