Back to School

     Never had i thought that i would ever need a pencil case again... Never had i thought that i would need to write... to study... Never had i thought that i would not need to take IPPT Test, at least for the time being...

     I am enrolled into Signal Institute (used to be known as School of Signal)... Trainee's life was much more simpler compared to BMTC's life... Not much physical training but from what my course sergeant said... there will be some exercises that requires lots of strength etc... But currently, i am studying, like poly, from 8~6pm.... having praticals, theory, e-learning... Once a week, there will be IPPT Specific training with run... but its not as tough as it sounds like...

      Due to many short free time in between, me and John keep on thinking how much we miss Jaguar... Jaguar till now is still the best... ever... I miss the punishment... i miss the run... i miss the SOC... i miss the wonderful discipline from my platoon... i simply miss my platoon mates... my buddies... my pals... u name it... i'll miss it...

      The spirit will never be the same here compared to Jaguar... We struggled through lots of training... motivating each other... have fun together... joked around... fooled around... poking fun at each other... a very memorable feeling... All those times we spent together had since been kept at my heart... And i do hope that i could see them real soon...

     Not to say that Signal is not good... but i just wanted a more disciplined-required and physically-trained environment... Now i could just try to get the best trainee in the two-month course...

NS Liability: Phase 2 Begins

     The time has come... after much disappointment... even if tears did fall... its time to report to my new posting... I need to pick myself up once again after this expected fall... In order to stand up tall once again, i need to prepare for the next IPPT... I would have to pass it... How? my weakest stations are SBJ and Chin Ups...

     I had tried to keep myself busy these days... in order not to have extra free time to thought about what was going on... Many people might simply ask... what is there to think about? Yes... true to some extend... since i am not in any position to change anything... i have to move on isn't it? Even if i know all these, i just can't help to think and regret... All the 'what if' came up to my mind...

      I went out on Friday evening with Boon Hui, Tim, Edwin, Samuel, Calvin & Jon... Play Lan games... chit chat... Boon Hui and i left earlier since both of us have to meet other people... He and his girlfriend... while me with my polymates... I went to Liquan's house overnight with HangMing & WeiPing. Then, wandering around Tampinese with Boon Hui yesterday for just one hour before headed back SengKang... This morning, i went swimming with my family... Nice and relaxing... It's been a long time since i last submerge in water... and i swam, for the first time, many laps... feel the strain on arm... but happy to be there...

      Feeling down these days... i have talk to some friends... Hwee Li, Boon Hui, Jiemin... While others did voice out their concern.. Its nice to have them... Give me sometime... i will try and make the best out of this posting... who knows? maybe i get a chance to go commanding school? or even get a bigger role than ever? Just pray for me out there... c",)

     There was once a friend told me this... "If all the pillars were to fall... you will be the last pillar standing..." So i guess... i will pull it through once again...

Have you ever...

     So what, if i say i try hard...? Did i try hard enough? Am i sure i did? Can i blame anyone from what's happening? So what, if you know the answer to all these questions? So what?

     Its like happening in every phase of my life... PSLE, O-level, SAT Test, Diploma... now BMTC... I always said that i try hard in each test, examination... but did i try hard enough? what am i doing while people are revising? what am i doing when people are pulling up one after another? Yes, i did remedial training... but did i do enough? or should i say that i should have start earlier? I am already fortunate to meet with many good people in life and had a smooth journey till now even if i didn't get what i wanted...

      Chong Li Prelim was the first obstacles as i was dropped to EM2 last class after many of my friends went EM1 or EM1-mix-EM2 classes... Then PSLE make me get into a Secondary School which was never my choice... But i am glad that i have many good/close friends there... In Sec 2, my maths results was not enough for me to make it to double maths class which is the only science class in our school... but still many of my good friends are from the class i was in... 'O' level results was disappointing putting me into ECC, NYP... even though my second choice... i never like electronics... Results in Poly was very bad or should say average... that might not allow me to go University (i was rejected during previous application)

     Every phase of my life... i felt the disappointment... the rejection... the unexplained feeling... Though partly due to people around me... but mostly because myself... i had been letting myself down... if i work hard enough... i would not be where i am now... i know i did not do well enough but... what did i do after that? nothing... never had i put in more effort... so could i blame anyone? Absolutely not... i have only myself to be blame... many people feel that i am competitive when i compare my results with others... but the truth is.. i can't even beat myself... how will i get to compare with others...

     Will i ever suceed and do what i love to do? Bowling... unlikely after failure in poly... Singing... still not up to standard... Sports... don't think have much chance... Designing... too old to be nurtured... guess... i have to work hard, real hard now... in what i have... and make the best out of it...

     If only i had worked hard enough, things could have been so much different...