Have you ever...

     So what, if i say i try hard...? Did i try hard enough? Am i sure i did? Can i blame anyone from what's happening? So what, if you know the answer to all these questions? So what?

     Its like happening in every phase of my life... PSLE, O-level, SAT Test, Diploma... now BMTC... I always said that i try hard in each test, examination... but did i try hard enough? what am i doing while people are revising? what am i doing when people are pulling up one after another? Yes, i did remedial training... but did i do enough? or should i say that i should have start earlier? I am already fortunate to meet with many good people in life and had a smooth journey till now even if i didn't get what i wanted...

      Chong Li Prelim was the first obstacles as i was dropped to EM2 last class after many of my friends went EM1 or EM1-mix-EM2 classes... Then PSLE make me get into a Secondary School which was never my choice... But i am glad that i have many good/close friends there... In Sec 2, my maths results was not enough for me to make it to double maths class which is the only science class in our school... but still many of my good friends are from the class i was in... 'O' level results was disappointing putting me into ECC, NYP... even though my second choice... i never like electronics... Results in Poly was very bad or should say average... that might not allow me to go University (i was rejected during previous application)

     Every phase of my life... i felt the disappointment... the rejection... the unexplained feeling... Though partly due to people around me... but mostly because myself... i had been letting myself down... if i work hard enough... i would not be where i am now... i know i did not do well enough but... what did i do after that? nothing... never had i put in more effort... so could i blame anyone? Absolutely not... i have only myself to be blame... many people feel that i am competitive when i compare my results with others... but the truth is.. i can't even beat myself... how will i get to compare with others...

     Will i ever suceed and do what i love to do? Bowling... unlikely after failure in poly... Singing... still not up to standard... Sports... don't think have much chance... Designing... too old to be nurtured... guess... i have to work hard, real hard now... in what i have... and make the best out of it...

     If only i had worked hard enough, things could have been so much different...