cheapo trip

      Apart from buying the games... which i shared with Dz... this is the cheapest JB trip this year... spend about RM110 (including games) total... haiz... blame on my luck... the game in my hand is spoilt one... haiz... sianz... hope those in Dz's hands is working... my sunday was well spent...

      Went to KTV & had dinner at Sentosa which we only spend about RM15 per person... we shared 3 dish plus fried oyster & satay... worth it... pretty full... too bad Jx cannot join us... Terence too... suppose to meet the rest of the guys... but we had a change of plan... so we never met up... Me, Dz, WL & TH went cheaper ktv... haha...

      Going to to take the advance theory later... wish me luck, man... pray for me... now going into one hour of intensive study le... ciaoz...

nothing to be happy about

      Yeah~! i did pass my adv. theory... but not as happy as i thought i might be... almost lost my hp... At first, i thought it was in my dad's car... so i did make a call (no one pick up)... before entering the room for test... but when i finish one round... i suddenly feel that it is by the road side... there is a possibility since my parents never pick up the call... hence, i panicked...

      Trying to finish fast & check fast... after i confirm i finish the test & pass... i rushed out to the road side & discover my lost hp... i was happy after that.. not for the test but for the phone... most wish me all the best & congrats me while i pass... but some, disappointingly, seems not amused or doesn't care at all... giving comments that you thought they might say for the sake of saying... its sad case but i could do nothing about it... hence my spirit was brought down a little...

      After which i went IKEA with Jin... there we had lots of misjudgement and end up wasting alot of time trying to get transport.... No cab... we ended up in mrt... we had enough time wasting le... haha... Jin get the required stuff le... though short of one item in his shopping list...

      Still not feeling very well... emotionally & physically... might go and see a doctor tomorrow... we'll see how...

nuttin much

      Rested the whole day at home... Enjoy some dotA session with Jx... KH, Fab... get to learn a new hero... as usual... i am the weakest link... haha... but trust me... i try to improve le... and is trying very hard... at least my death rate decreased and i did had one or two kill? haha...

     Jianxin seems to have fallen sick... Must take care leh... these days... people keep falling sick... Watched Naruto 157... a little lame and this episode contains a little bit of humor elements... so i guess i shouldnt be complaining, huh?

      Wondering who had actually come my blog often and how often they came... suddenly have that thinking... haha... i guess you guys should post more message in my tagboard... haha...

Stay The Same

Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be the way
You are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
'Cause there's nothin' 'bout you I would change
Whatever you want to be
If you could realize
All the dreams you have inside
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say
Just open up your heart
And let it show you the way
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far
'Cause there's nothin' 'bout you I would change
Reach down inside
The love you find
Will set you free
You'll come out right
Have faith in what you do
You'll make it through
You were someone else
You were meant to be the way (you were meant to be)
You are exactly
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself (love yourself)
You're better of by far
'Cause there's nothin' of you I would change (change)
No there's nothin' 'bout you I would change(Don't change)
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same
I think that you could be
Don't you ever wish
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same
Believe in yourself
Believe in yourself
Don't you ever wish
Don't you ever say
And I hope you always stay the same(Stay the same)

sentosa champs

      Today is our Coy Outing @ Sentosa... everybody is complaining before any games... but when the game start... we are fully involved and hoping to do the best out of it... N39 man managed to win the first game while the whole node won the second game to emerge as overall champion... its rather fun...

      its been a long time since i last had so much fun... during our free time... we played frisbie in Captain's Ball style... and beach vollyball... some of them play water polo too... Lots of laughter... enjoyment... a group of us even play with a group of Sec1 girls vollyball team... managed to trash them in second game... haha...

      i did enjoy today despite the fact that i must get myself invovle in activities in order to forget all other woes... i can't be alone... thankfully... most of the time... Specialists ask me to join them... they keep me company in swimming and games... so thankful to them... and MR WU never even get into water... hmph~! never suntan with me also... don't friend him le... hmph~!behind all these enjoyment... i suffer a little... had slightly sprained my leg again... hopefully its alright... haha... i guess no one saw it... this shows my acting not bad... if i let PC/PS know... i jialat le... i still need to train SOC de...

---

Xiang(Jx),

      Had been thinking a long time... it seems like we had been drifting apart in the real world... the only time when i feel that you treat me as your buddy or close friend is when we are in the dotA world... why couldn't we be that lively or chat happily in the real world... maybe we are both too comfortable in our own area... our own world... i guess i had never been into your world... Jx, if you did see my blog... i guess you should know how i felt all these while... hope you open up to me more... and bring this virtual world to the real life... i'm really struggling... but what's consoling is... i guess, u are living a happy life... that's good...

---

inferior

      what a week... apart from thinking about friendship... i had illness to think about... Teeth... Ankle... then came the vomiting part... haiz... not knowing why... simply feel like vomiting during the Guard Duty on Mon... and its been like that since... not having good appetite too... not sure of the reason... slightly better... Dz use my lines to shoot me to see a doctor... guess i had to if i still not well by Friday...

      Haven't been studying my advance theory... must start soon... haha... do the questionaire from Dz's book... Hope to clear it once and for all... even though i had a feeling that its gonna repeat what had happened during military lessons... i pass all theory in one take... but driving practical took me 6 times... and the sixth time is the last time... haiz...

      Feeling more and more inferior nowadays... had not been doing very well... i try to show my care and did not really felt appreciated at times... but its ok lar... since i do feel ashame from what i did to him or them last time... like what i told Dz... i could & would only blame myself for how things been turning out...

      A month of inactiveness in exercises... i am afraid of failing both SOC & IPPT... seeing others working so hard for SOC... making me ashame... all i did was stay in bunk or at the ending point... haiz... i guess i won't get to pass it... but i will definitely work hard... hope the rest could help to motivate me or pace me then... don't know why... feeling more and more inferior these days... maybe due to what i see and what i feel... too late to update now... maybe will update about this incident another day...

advance theory

      Last night had a meet up with Jenson, Twins, Ris & Long... ended up 4am then leave... they don't let me go due to 'some reasons' and ended not playing dotA... haha... sad leh... what to do... haiz...

      i went to book Adv. Theory or Final Theory this morning... guess what... There wasn't any long queue... so not much waiting... then when i booked... someone had withdraw from the 30th Oct test date... ended up, i took the slot... Others wait for 2 months just for the test... me? 9 days... must buck up soon... Everything just been pretty smooth... Dz, thanks for accompanying me there...

      After which i went to get something for the someone special... haha... the 'Project Special' is for that someone... his birthday is round the corner... hope he like what me & my friends had been planning to give him... haha... the idea first came 1-2 months before the actual day...

      Not much dotA today... but did play FIFA with Dz... having fun but no communication... hmm... due to no such function... my sis using the pc now... update another time ba...

weakling me

      JD4 is an unforgettable experience for me as a driver... i drove Land Rover, not the aircon one mind you... and had a number of problem... almost has a wheel down a steep drain & crashing into a wall... Of course, its not the normal road that i was travelling but the cross country road... i guess i had scared 2Lt Wu out of his wits... haha... i'm definitely shakened... Rover simply couldn't went up slope & even had smoke in numerous occassion omiting an unpleasant burning smell... But seems nothing was burnt...

      Due to my ankle injury... i was still not able to participate in any SOC training... when i saw Jx & TH doing it with their hearts out... i simply felt so out of place... i wanted to join them... but i couldn't... hence a little sad... but all i could do for them is taking care of them... making sure they are alright & keeping an eye on their rifle... Jx & TH... u guys are great... even though might not meet SOC passing timing YET... but in my heart... you guys are the champions... haha... My hearts goes with you guys...

      Last week's dotA seems to be laggy when i play in KR's server... even though i get assurance & encouragement from Jx... i still decide to quit after 'holding on the line & staying with him'.... haha...

      Was happy that he initiate chat with me... everything is like slowly back into place... although might not be like the rest... but i'm contented... meeting hao, wen, jenson & ris for a movie... hmm.. wonder if ris's 2 friends are friendly...

good night rest

      Awaiting for the ARMAS... but end up there isn't any today... Hope tomorrow also don't have... its contradicting feeling... if it happens... im happy too... as i would not need to do another house visit next time round... but if not activated... i can rest at home playing with the rest WC3... watching my shows... and focusing on my project for that someone special to me...

     My ankle is not showing much sign of recovery... i think would not be able to do much exercise for next few days at least... have little difficulty in walking but must be a rather slow pace... the pain is still endurable... haha... so don't worry... even if its painful... i will not show you guys my painful face... haha... Terence even thought that my leg was not that painful... haha... i learnt to cover up so as not to let them worry...

      Got to sit in Dz's car... erm... his dad's... driving VERY safe... which is good... Singapore needs good driver... Dz, you can relax more... its an honour to sit in your vehicle right after you get your license... even you say i accompany you... its you provide me with company too... and transport home...

      i was feeling very happy now... hehe... 'cos he finally did talk to me like usual le... showing care too... i thought he wouldn't care about me anymore... haha... small kids huh? hmph~! We talk through msn & in game... but at least we did communicate... so i am very glad, excited & relieved... haha... i am sure i'll get a good sleep... Nitez...

sprained leg

      Got injured on the second day of the week... hmm... SOC... sibei jialat... i want to train and pass SOC... but somehow i injured myself... my landing was poor... not knowing why... couldn't concentrate... and end up slowing down at the high ramp... Maybe not enough sleep... maybe having other thoughts...? i don't know... but i did injured... Now limping around... Don't worry... it did get slightly better & i receive treatment from Sinseh already... though doesn't seems to be VERY effective... but let's observe for next few days...

      Was kinda worried for Jx's tooth... especially he didn't say much to me... but since he just now sms say "not a major problem"... i'm more an xin le... mei shi jiu hao... Don't wish to have him follow my footstep... i have weak teeth... the feeling is awful... whoever undergoes root canal treatment before would feel me... Its definitely not something that those healthy people can imagine... argh... my appointment is on 25th Nov, i think...

      Thx Dz for accompanying me once again to Toa Payoh for the Sinseh... Hmm... tomorrow hope that 3DIV will not be activated... haha... or else... i would have a busy time... Till then... back to gaming with Jin, Jx & friend, Dz...

a complete day

      a rather busy day... haha... i am all around Singapore... From Thomson to Hougang to SengKang to Punggol... Visited 8 Houses (never enter though)... 1 Sports Hall & one Shopping Center...

      Meet JiaHui, XY, YY, LY for FairPrice @ Thomson Plaza visit... Vivian, Weiliang & LaiHong still working there... too bad never get to see Annie & Iris... hmm... YY say i look pale... Susan say i look better last time... haha.. with more flesh... hmm... all found me getting thinner... am i? hmm... Do miss the place... hmm... too bad i don't think i'll return anymore... as a worker lar...

      After that... Hougang Sports Hall... played badminton with WP, HM & Allan... all very pro... i am the only one who still cant 'smack' haha... and a number of misses... i saw my own weak points... haha... CLC & FP went there do nothing... haha... never play at all... strange... but of course, they didn't pay for the Courts... hmmm a very nice 3h session... looking forward for more...

      The worst thing of the day was the 3h cycling... i went to 8 houses for the NSmen Recall thingy... and only managed to get 2 signature on my first 'shift'... then i went home almost knocked out... to have my dinner at 8+pm... before my sister drove me to the final 3 places... In the end... i get 4 signatures... 1 tomorrow birthday and turning 40... no need recall, so i never go his place... 4 not available at home for SAT/SUN... and 1 Champion who MIA... that one i don't know how...

     i know Jx complete his task too... which is good... wonder if kang complete too... me failed to complete... with one MIA... sianz... All kind of people i met... some changes here and there... haiz... but anyway... at least its over... :x

heartfelt

      Finally, the course had came to an end... Adv. MSET... a ITE paper... hmm... think have a few mistakes... but passing shouldn't be a problem... managed to concentrate on the paper... though i still feel like vomiting even till afternoon... haiz...

      Went Chong Pang for Nasi Lemak with Terence, Jq, Dz & Kek... not too bad lar... though Dz say Punggol taste better... After that i had free 'dumplings' from Ek's mum... haha... Not bad... After that we went to meet Summer & friends... for ktv... sing a few song before took a cab & rush back home... as i promise Kang & Jx for a game of Warcraft... but it seems too late after i finish patching... played awhile... which we did not even finish a game... sad... i guess its fated... wonder if i am the one that lag them... hmm...

      Told Jq & Dz about how i feel on 'the actions' but of course, nothing was expected from them... as they respect my actions... hence never really react that strongly... hmm... so im still feeling ok... and Thx Jin for the wonderful AfterEight chocolate... sweet in the mouth... warmth in the heart... haha... i do need something then... and that is the one...

sick

      Today's MSET was pretty boring... learn little... but get to drive LR for awhile when troubleshooting another 3 LR... stayed in the air-con room for almost the whole day...

      Not feeling well in the morning... Not knowing why... but feel like vomiting... or i actually did vomit... once... i keep drinking water to keep myself 'clear'... but i went to toilet countless times... haha... i guess water keep your urine 'clear' too... Not much appetite... i guess i am sick ba...

      Just installed Frozen Throne (thanks to Jx), Red Alert 2 (thanks to Dz)... but as for Yuri's Revenge... i don't have the CD-key... hence not installed yet...

      Things seems to be ongoing for awhile... had been forcing myself to look normal... but i guess, i succeed... haha... or at least do look normal ba... i tried to keep myself busy so as not to think too much... but when i'm back alone... thoughts began pouring in again...

first day

      First day of Adv. MSET and i felt sian already... we were seated ard 8am and only begin to move into groups around 9am... which is a wastage of time... not enough rest as this Adv. MSET's environment had totally changed, compared to Basic MSET... All instructor, apart from two, are new faces... pretty strict rules are enforced... i feel there are pros & cons though... shalln't elaborate that...

      At times, i felt that what's the point of clearing your unhappiness when there is no turning of events... hmm... sometimes disappointment will result in having lesser motivation to ask question ba... if a student ask 10 questions to a teacher & the teacher in return failed to reply any of them... Do you think a student will ask again? if i am the student... i'll simply keep quiet...

      Feeling the problem lies in me... what can i do? Since i observed that no matter how much i said... things will improve only for the following two days... and no more... i guess its the CSM case... maybe its just me... so if myself did not change... i will feel that all around me wasn't what i wanted it to be... feeling tired yet no mood for sleep... need to force myself again...

      Perhaps... just that he or they don't really cares...

flames

      Just two days in Jurong... Booked out for Adv. MSET in Sembawang Camp for the next 3 days... will be staying out... Before booking out, we had Detachment lessons... TSD most tiring as their lesson was directly after SOC... RID? only stress as CO came over and have a look follow by a 'why RID is important' talk... hmm...

      SOC was indeed tiring... especially with Gortex... and two full bottles... you can 'feel' it... At first i wanted to have a run when i reached home... but seems that i was not having the mood... maybe tiredness and mini things that happen in camp makes me lose morale ba...

      Different people have different characters and hence deal things differently... what i view as actions that i use being closer to the person end up become a taboo action... hmm... sound ironic? hmm... for those who know me... i always place my hand at another person shoulder (seldom on girls though) but i guess to a small group of people... i am actually killing their 3 flames... its some chinese saying... Reason given as pan-dang... maybe i shall stop the motion ba... and keep my hands to myself...

      Even though what Terence may be right... saying that they are just joking... but it seems like its for real... so i guess i can only be unhappy within myself ba... sian... don't know what to say lar... just feeling down... disappointed... whatever...

      Need to go and visit 10 NSmen houses stretching from Yio Chu Kang Rd to Punggol... on SAT's 8-10pm... can i do it? hope so...

gathering

      Qiang's grandparent's place was pretty easy to find but due to the inadequate description... haha... but thankfully, i had a mild impression about the location... so i can ask my dad to stop at the junction before making a U-turn and head back to search for it...

      Singapore was indeed small... i saw my attachment partner from NYP who happens to be in the same camp with Qiang... and they also know Alvin... my Jaguar's section mate... Its been a long time since we last met... so i guess its nice to see them again... Afterwhich, we went to Ktv @ Cuppage till 4am... its really very tiring... Anyhow, i think my voice & Hanwei's compliment each other... nice and harmonious... now i could still feel the tiredness...

      Then went to meet Photonics people... haha... My study budz... All are clever ass... oOops... i mean smart people... HM, CLC & gf, WP, FP & one of their friend, WH.... We watch the movie starring Karen Mok & Andy Lau... not bad actually ... pretty touching... a few of us almost cried... haha... Anyhow... the kids are simply cute... haha.. especially the one acting like andy & his little brother.... After that we had a few pool games before i leave them... They are pretty good... me? simply lucky... haha...

      Alright... need to go le... need to entertain my young little cousin, Berwin le...

Children Day

      its Children Day... so... HAPPY CHILDREN DAY~! its been 10 years since i last celebrate Children Day... haha... can still remember those times we get off during school day and celebrate in Hall as a school... haha... oh ya... Happy Birthday, Qiang... going Qiang's celebration later...

      Everything had turned out to be fine... things had been sorted out... hence i am feeling so much more relieved and glad... pretty happy now... hehe... silly me, isn't it?! Sorry... but that's simply me... haha... Though still feeling a little weak & stomach not really recovered... but i guess i'm feeling better le... my eye's condition has not improve yet... think it will take some days...

      Busy burning out songs or anime out from pc... 'cos pc disk space low... haha... still wonder we don't have much game... and why is the pc lack of space... Minusing the anime... hmm... where is the rest of the 10GB space? haha... me just s**ks in everything...

      Alright... preparing to go to Qiang's grandma's place le...

Lonely

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo, this one here goes out to all my players out there man, ya know
Got to have one good girl whose always been there man like, ya Know
Took all the bullshit then one day
She cant take it no more and decides to leave
I wont up in the middle of the night
And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side,
Coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was deenin,
So I hadda take a little ride,
Back tracking over these few years,
Trying figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
'Cos ever since my girl left me,
My whole left life came crashin'...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Can't believe I had a girl like you
And I just let you walk right out of my life,
After all I put u thru u still stuck around and stayed by my side,
What really hurt me is I broke ur heart,
Baby you were a good girl and I had no right,
I really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl
that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run
And I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be,
Aint noone in the globe id rather see
Then the girl of my dreams that made me be
So happy but now so lonely...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Never thought that id be alone,
I didnt hope you'd be gone this long,
I jus want u to come home,
so stop playing girl and Come on home come on home,
baby girl I didn't mean to shout,
I want me and you to work it out,
I never wished Id ever Hurt my baby,
and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own girl...)

Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
Mr. Lonely... so lonely
So lonely... so lonely
So lonely, Mr. Lonely...