in search for my space...

     ...i have no place to go.

     Where do i belong to? Is there a place i called my own? My house is simply a shelter for me to stay overnight... somewhere i couldn't turn to... when i am lost... when i am down... there isn't a sense of belonging... living under a big family... i had to shared my space... my room with my siblings... my family.... i do not have the luxury of having a corner just for myself... not say a room... i couldn't display whatever i like in my room... i do not have a say in my family... who am i then?...

     Having thoughts that i could have my friends to rely to... i focus on living outside my restricted area... i'll do whatever i could for my friends... as i know one day... some day i will need them... 'treat people how you wanted to be treated' is always my motto.... i tried my very best to make people happy... even at the expense of tires myself... or at times hurt myself... not having enough rest... i am willing to go all out... i did all these in hope that i had someone to turn into when i needed them... at least there is a 'space' in the outside world for me to live in...

     But i am wrong... totally wrong... my little space had been wrecked... as i thought i could be a strong warrior and fend off all challenges... i discovered... i am nothing but a weakling... i do not have any strong bonds... i do not have any back ups... one idiotic creature can destroyed my peaceful life... it simply took away whatever i worked so hard for... my friends... my life... i'm totally defeated...

     Life is cruel, isn't it...? when you get hurt a little... more things turned up to hurt you more... Being disappointed at range (after a series of events)... i continued being hurt at the outing... and of course, when i thought staying at home can be the last place i get hurt from the outside world... i ended up was disappointed with my family... maybe i asked too much... maybe i'm too self-centered... but all i can say was... i am.... definitely.... affected....