darkness

      "You are stubborn... too pampered because you are the youngest child... you treat yourself like a young boy, grow up... you are hazard to others... if you really listen to me, go jump down from the roof of your bunk... you are not a man, not a soldiers... no country will ever keep you to be their soldiers... you are a disgrace to your family, i am sure your brother is 100% better than you... you are not even a boy, you are a girl... why don't you go cut off (that thing)?... i saw lady drivers who did so much better than you, 'coz they got guts..."

      Who could have endured all these criticisim...? No one could had know how much i had endured just for the last few months... i'd thought all these should had been gone... these are now history... but i am wrong... up till now... i still can't get myself out of the darkness... The darkness within me seems to be growing... The rebellious me... which was subdued by my weakness... my emotions...

      When i went for a jog just now... all these thoughts came running through my mind... never for a minute did it rest... i had been thinking during my whole run... i am just tired... mentally... emotionally...

      After so much things happened... i'd decided... i should stop gunbound for good... at least... for the moment... this game had totally worn me out...