do you really understand...

      Do you really understand my feelings... my sadness...? Do you... really feel for me...? You seems to be so near to be... yet... you can be simply hard-hearted and feel that you are far away from me... why am i feeling all these? why am i feeling an emptiness within my heart...? why am i feeling so scared? scared of losing what i used to have... scared of being alone... scared of everything... why... why am i feeling all these?

      As the situation do not improve... it became a quicksand situation... i simply continue to sink deeper... rather than being pulled up... as the last one i trust seems to be a distance away from me... though i trust that he will always be with me... though i always know he do care... but i could now only see the back of him... maybe he need a break... maybe he is too tired of seeing me in the quicksand... maybe to him... no matter how hard he tries to pull me up... i doesnt seem to help myself up... so why bother...

      i couldn't help myself... my mind keep turning... keep moving... keep thinking... especially i am waiting for some reaction... some reply... but maybe... there won't be one... will there be? i still hope to have reply... i simply lost... stuck in the sand... not sure what to do... even though i know i shouldn't feel this way... as many people around me want to see me well.. but still... i felt somehow lost...

      Unlike many others... they have a harbour for their lonely ship to stop at... for me... my home do not have the sense of belonging... maybe there are parents who do care & whip up dishes for me... but we are not that close till i can bring up my daily problems to them... there isn't a corner i can design or call it my own...

      Everything seems to be not in place... not they way i want them to be... i'm really scared... really... scared...