overseas

      Yesterday, i was offered to apply overseas with a good friend of mine. He is planning to quit NUS for overseas. This suggestions actually make me sit down and ask myself what i really want. Out of respect, i mentioned it to Xinyi, who i planning to study with next term. I also mentioned it to my team-mate. Both seems supportive enough and allow me to think for myself. My team mate support the idea though...

      Its a important decision to be made. Hence, its not as if i can just say 'lets go' and that's it... Financial factor, leaving the environment i am used to in 23 years, leaving my friends etc... I really consider the options. But who cares about how i think? My parents reject the idea. Initially, they 'said' to be neutral but actually, you can sense that they do not really like the idea. It really came as a surprised. I always thought that they are supportive and allow me to think for myself.

      Guess, to them, i am not old enough to think for myself. I am not disappointed that i couldn't join Xiao Ming but more over the fact i am not trust to think for myself. I telling them since they are my parents and wanting to hear their comments. But instead of being general or neutral... they start from doubting my willingness to study, my friend's character etc. Its is so selfish of them. FINE~! i am not from a wealthy family... BUT trust me... one day, soon, i will go out and strive a life for myself. I had enough of this environment i am in.

     It is not a willful comments or whatsoever. I had thought about it since last time. If not because of the financial factor... i may apply for overseas with him. Now, i can only apply local university and not even assured that i can get in. They are naive enough to say 'try again this year'. i had tried 4 consecutive years, not enough? how much more should i wait? or waste? Do they know how i feel after being rejected again & again. All they know is asked if i get in... that;s all... Totally not in the mood for anything else. Its a poor step i made to ask them so early before making my own decision even though i suppose to inform them...

      Study overseas have its pros & cons. I am still weighing which side is heavier... Its a golden opportunity to learn & grow independently. Moreover, now that a friend is with me, minus the potential of being lonely. I always wanted to move out and strive hard. Staying in hostel is one of the reason going to local university also. Hence, i really take this seriously when it first came up. Nevermind, whatever i think no longer hold any importance anymore.

      Sorry ming, i really do hope you can remain in NUS. Its hard if you going alone. But no matter what, i respect your decision. For me, i have no rights to make any choices.