darkness

      "You are stubborn... too pampered because you are the youngest child... you treat yourself like a young boy, grow up... you are hazard to others... if you really listen to me, go jump down from the roof of your bunk... you are not a man, not a soldiers... no country will ever keep you to be their soldiers... you are a disgrace to your family, i am sure your brother is 100% better than you... you are not even a boy, you are a girl... why don't you go cut off (that thing)?... i saw lady drivers who did so much better than you, 'coz they got guts..."

      Who could have endured all these criticisim...? No one could had know how much i had endured just for the last few months... i'd thought all these should had been gone... these are now history... but i am wrong... up till now... i still can't get myself out of the darkness... The darkness within me seems to be growing... The rebellious me... which was subdued by my weakness... my emotions...

      When i went for a jog just now... all these thoughts came running through my mind... never for a minute did it rest... i had been thinking during my whole run... i am just tired... mentally... emotionally...

      After so much things happened... i'd decided... i should stop gunbound for good... at least... for the moment... this game had totally worn me out...

no signs

      All seems to be turning out well... but unfortunately... my spirit is still down... still having the foul mood that i had over the days... Feeling rather sad easily... over little things... or fustrated easily over little things... It seems to be back to those days when i had during poly... those 'auntie-visiting' kind of days... but i also discovered that i am back to who i used to be... as in no longer as white as a paper...

      Over at Gunbound, i was a little disappointed, i should say sad... not because of my skills... or hit rate... but largely due to the incident happens today... While playing gb these days... i wasn't feeling good already... then came the incident where i thought that i antagonise MunWhye... but thankfully... he wasn't angry, just that he wasn't in a good mood either... Hence, never reply my message... During those minutes or hours... i had no mood in playing... keep thinking of whether i should quit...

      At 10pm, the time where we normally will appear in gb... i decided to give it a miss... until JiuXiang called my hp and asked why i was not inside... then i told him what happen... and he told me 'nothing one lar'... In the end... i re-joined and even team up with mun at the later stage of games...

      Recently, it is all these little things making me feel tired... moody etc... i don't know... i tried to go for a run to relax myself... it did work... but still nothing much was changed... but i am sure this will continue... just let me be alone... i guess...

i don't know

      Despite the usual laughters i had over the last few days... i felt that there is still something missing within myself... something that i wasn't able to explain... something that making ponder... making me felt lost... i wasn't sure why did it happen... or why i felt this way... The crust of me project a happy soul... carefree personality... of course, when i laugh... i really laugh... But still, somehow... i don't know why... i...

      Over Gunbound, i was challenged by Kelvin & Jiu Hsiang... both are pretty good players... more pro than me, definitely... Mun Whye also played very well... their skills are definitely better than mine... the ranks do reflect the level of skills they possessed... maybe Kelvin's a little rusty... I also played with ChangCai, one on one... he was more managable opponent than the others... managed to get more wins over him...

      Earned small bucks from the recent 4-D... My brother, actually, won some money and gave me a little bit... Not much... but still to me... its quite a lot... especially since i always thought he was a thrify, almost 'giam siap' personnel... haha... hope that this won't be the last time... *blink blink*

i do • i do

      Supposed to go out with LeeChang, KokHong, Terence & Ermei... In the end, due to no interesting activities... i never joined... Even when Ris message me in the morning... i was considering choosing it over Kek's... But they disappointed me... i wonder this was the No. what time... Never even message me to cancel or whatsoever... Utterly disapointed with Ris...

      In the end, a last minute outing was suggested over MSN... JianXin, ChangCai, Jack, Dingze, HanChun & his gf meet me at Marina Square for supposedly movie, pool & bowling... SuperPool & SuperCue's entrance was nowhere to be found even there was a sign outside the building saying 'Business As Usual'... So we never go there... and ended in River AngBao instead... Watching one Magic store performing... It wasn't a bad outing although not much was done...

      We watched local production, a Jack Neo film, I do I do... It was rather hilarious... even if Sharon Au's character was crying... She possess a wacky acting skills... making the movie enjoyable... Other actors was also commendable even though not much was required for them to excel... It brightens our night... definitely... Sorry to Dingze for watching the movie twice, actually... The movie's songs were pretty meaningful... Jack Neo's movie's songs are normally meaningful even none really make it big... only his Homerun's Theme song was nominated for Golden Horse Award... But couldn't find the song title...

      I watched numerous movie in the last few weeks... mostly in pc... haha... but still its movie, isn't it? hmm... here are some of the ratings:

I Do I Do - 8/10
Shall We Dance - 9/10
13 Going On 30 - 9/10
The Phantom Of The Opera - 5/10

All the ratings includes the effects each movie supposed to project... music... and plot...

revival of night activities

      its been 4 days of night exercises after i resume my night training on Sun. I took a rest on TUE... My training package consist of 1x 2.5km(at least), 2x 50 sit-ups... Occassionally, i will includes some push ups, or other exercises... main objective? to lose pounds... It seems to be working a little, can feel that my tummy is getting controlled... haha...

      Why did i rest on TUE? Thanks to a group of guys who make Gunbound(gb) in my life alive once again... haha... its been like months since i last gb... Kind of losing my skills... even though i had never been great... haha.. but practices really did regain my confidence, estimation etc... As what my friend, JianXin, had described lessons learnt from gb.... Practices, Teamwork & Trust...

      Trusting friends will do their parts... showing Teamworks in killing off enemies... and of course, Practices to improve your game... I always enjoys games that requires teamwork especially those multiplayers type that i can play with all my friends... haha... communication and scolding each other make the game much more livelier...

      Food Hunt for dinner... First actual dinner for days... haha... always getting breads etc for the past few days... Today, i finally EAT when LiChang, Jianqiang & Terence asked me to go Chong Pang for some well-known Nasi Lemak... We ended up in a store (yes they won 2nd in Ch8's Food Variety Show in 2002, voted by the public) that didn't amuse us with their food... We came to the conclusion that the store should be famous for Beehoon & not their Nasi... 'cos i like their chicken wings... delicious... haha...

bloggin' history

YR 2002 :: After my god-sis introduce her blog to me... i find it kinda interesting and having the adventurous and free thinking... i post whatever i liked... and there i have it... my very first edition of blog, A SouL In dA sKy...

YR 2003 :: Soon, blogging became part of my life and living in the urban, definitely changed my mind and soul... Becoming more modern... more trendy... as my character was also being mould into another fighter in this tough world... The UrBaN SouL~ was borned...

Late YR 2003~2004 :: When i became totally memerised in the urban world... i felt hollow within myself... feeling that people around me heard and saw who i was... but not whom i really was deep in my heart... There was something in my heart that i wasn't able to share merely by talking to my friends... Hence, i felt there was A Voice Within Me yet to be heard by the world...

Late YR 2004~2005 :: When i felt that the blog is getting dull and the voice within me wasn't enough to show people that they had not heard from it... ThE UnSp0k3N vOicE took over the job and continues trying to speak up... There you have... the blog...

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??

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You fight and protect the people you love and value.

what kind of angel are you?
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my wishes 2 u:

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

click on the above greetings to see a flash~!
special thanks to ah-jin

boredom

      Boredom just keep crawling into my heart... Its Valentine's Day, also known as Friendship Day, yet i am at home all alone... Nah... its not because i have no lover and i felt hollow... its just that Friendship Day, i ask a few of my friends out... all seems not to be interested or/and not free... making me disappointed at this year's edition of V-Day...

      In the past, i was always occupied on this day... Working or hanging out with my friends... Never had i felt so bored before on this date... Hmm.. i guess we had came to a stage where V-Day is important to each individual? or should i say, everyone is now busy with their own stuff...

     Sound stupid but its true... and i spend my F-Day/V-Day online playing Pool... haha.. since no one is free to chat... even WeiMing went offline due to disturbance by his brother... As for JianXin, he never even say he was going... hmm... But at least i saw message left by my ex-online GF... haha... So not too bad ba...

      Since i have no lover, i spend all my time on friends... now going to write a few testimonials but friendster.com seems a little laggy... Later will be running again...

health...

      Came back from visiting my grandma... she has been hospitalise for feeling pain over her body... From what i heard, she had cancer for a long time le... i do know about this... just that not in details...

      There... on bed... she looks better... she suffered pain in the morning i think.... when i reached there... she was smiling... she likes crowd... and i believe she is just happy to have people visiting her... at that moment... there was more than 10 people around... i felt relieved at that sight... i kept quiet there, largely due to my poor Teochew & not knowing what to chat with her about... haha.. even though being "sabo" by my aunt to talk... haha..

     I also heard that one of my aunt was ill too... and will be having a check up during the school holidays... she works in a school... She was a nice person.. and when i heard that i felt rather sad... Health is so important... you know what i mean? i'll never know how i will react if i am ill...

      During the Lunar New Year, we visit one of our elders... and he was very sick... he force himself to come out to the living room to see the new addition to our family... he treat my dad's mother very well... even now that she is gone... my mum said that he was just happy for my grandma... that sight of him crying while looking at my cousin and when my cousin took a tissue to him... moved me... its touching... even my cousin's mum, just married to my uncle last year... can't help but had watery eyes...

      Health... Vs Money... which one is more important? somehow i felt both are important... but health can't be bought with money... which is why... i keep making myself exercising regularly... losing pounds make me not so prone to heart attacks, diabettes etc...