defeated

      Thoughts simply flashed through my mind... Questions kept poping up in my brain... Music of A-do was playing in my Discman... At the moment of time... i almost went berserk... i grabbed my head and calmed myself down... Dz, i wasn't sleeping... i was trying to control my emotions... at that moment... i almost wanted to shout out loud... 'i had Enough~!' to myself... mind almost bloated...

      Unfair it may seems... but i had thought that there is no other way out... Friendship had disappoint me once after another... There are many times i wanted to give up the 'close friendship/buddy' i had... and i placed quote it as it may just turn out to be one-way thinking... many times... friends hurt me... indirectly... to them... its the way they normally behaves... but to me... maybe due to the fact that i expect alot from buddies... its just not what i thought buddies should be... But yet whenever i thought that i might as well be alone... they happened to show that there is a glimpse of light for the buddy-ship...

      its the struggle between the heart & brains... and its the emotions that became the victim... i guess its hard for me to open my heart again... and i might soon be isolated personel... i'm too tired to carry on... too afraid to get hurt again... i'm totally defeated... this time round, i guess i wouldnt be able to stand up again... for months i tried... to no avail... but who cares? and who's with me anyway...? i've thoughts of sending out emails to Jx, Dz, Jin and maybe Ber... maybe if GOD never toyed me around... i might be more decisive...

      My mind now is very messy... i don't know what i wrote in this post also... i didn't had the best of my time... losing EZ-link on my way back... i don't know what i am going to do next... my indecisiveness is killing me... Ignore me... Ignore this post... its not important... i guess my email is more important... as soon i may no longer be important... wat toking me?... Beats me...

      Army? Ex Diamond Link came to an end... and glad that this Ex allow me to talk to Dz abit... After the Ex, my spects broke... BN run today.... Jx & Kang was damn fast even Jx refused to admit... today's run is a proof... i can't seem to catch up... i had lost the will to run & the interest in running... Today's run was 'conditioning' for SUN's Army Half Marathon... i don't think i can make it anymore...