lost & found

      i didn't have a good week once again... yes.. "what's new?" isn't it? i've almost lost my handphone and i almost lost two most important friendship... glad its all over...

      i merely wanted my friends to be happy... and i felt jealous and afraid that my friend will be 'snatched' away... so i am feeling troubled... maybe you guys might say i 'think too much' or have 'silly thoughts' but how would you feel when your close friends are always with someone you don't like...? maybe i'm just too petty, obsessive or whatsoever... but i'm just afraid of losing friends...

      i isolate myself from the rest... keeping quiet... sitting alone... and thought they will be happier without my presence... i guess i am wrong... i brought them more worries... and i felt so useless as i always thought i bring nothing but troubles... on the way to Justin's chalet... i left my phone on taxi... Jx & Dz chased after the taxi with me... even though we failed to catch the taxi... they never gave up... unlike me... they called my phone, hoping someone picked it up... and yes... the kind passenger picked up the phone and made a U-turn to return me my phone...

      Despite my wilfulness & temper... Dz & Jx never gave up on me... and Terence & KH joined us and think of ways to get back the phone before the call gets through... i'd felt that i let them down... and when i felt remorseful about my actions these days... i thought there wasn't a turning back... i talked to sito and felt its my fault for what happen & thought Jx & Dz was angry with me and will no longer treat me as friend... this in return cause more pain in my heart... more lost...

      But i am very glad that they never really gave up on me... Even though Jx say he almost wanted to bash me up... he want me to wake up therefore have that thoughts... i've always wanted someone to really bash me up... as i felt i've always been protected by friends... maybe i need some bashing to clear my mind... no matter what... i'm relieved to have Dz & Jx back... and sorry to others who had been worrying for me... Jin... Terence... Kek... sito... and even Chester... just to name a few... hmm... I'M ULTIMATELY SORRY...

      Hope that my appetite will return soon... these weeks of major exercises, AHM had caused me to lose about 2-3kg... which is pretty surprising.... my weighing machine always placed me around 73kg-75kg for months... and i thought its spoilt... then last night... before my usual run... i noticed it dropped... so i guess... i really did lose some pounds... hmm... Anyway... i'm feeling better le...