nothing is perfect

      i always had a high expectations on myself... almost a perfectionist... i would be sad or disappointed when i don't acheive targets i set... or the minimal i set for myself... or i don't get what i wanted from people around me... needless to say people whom i had always loved... my friends... my buddies...

      Many times... people see me sad or angry... and some might even thought that its them who made me that way... but honestly, i have no rights to blame others on how things had turned out... i would only blame myself as... i should only blame myself... why am i expecting from people that i know i will never get... many people thought that i am competitive... especially with others... yes i agree, i often pit against others... or compared myself with others... but most importantly... my minimal standard is... i want to compete with myself... better my own records...

      i may be viewed as childish... i may be viewed as insensitive... or even blamed for what had happened... but i don't care much as long as i get the trust i think i deserved... especially my buddies... to many people, family had been #1 in their importance list... they can even call back every night, like Jx... i envy that... but to me... i somehow i don't... and Friends or should i say buddies are my #1...

      maybe, just maybe... i shouldn't be asking so much... but am i...?!