tough & sick

      a rather tiring week... not been feeling very well... having stomachache, though not severe... and headache for the past few days... nauseous & lost of appetite too... hmm... guess im on my way to lose more pounds... haha... couldn't concentrate on stuff i do too... like the parade...

      i couldn't concentrate much during the rehearsals... and had to force myself to concentrate on the actual parade to minimize my mistake to some minor one... that could be covered up... during the rehearsal, i had been bombarded with comments, scoldings etc... since the very beginning of the SAR21 Drill... most of us used 3-4days to perfect the drills & parade... so i guess... a round of applause for all the marching contigents esp. 3SIG after having two COC in one week... tough, huh!?!

      if i appeared naggy in front of you guys, i do all these for your own good... i hope i do help a little by changing your bad habits... i have too... i am trying my best to change too... e.g. shaking of legs... Samuel keep reminding me to stop shaking... and i did... when he around though... :x but i know he meant well... and many people told me likewise... so i am trying to change... though its slightly difficult to do it all alone... so i thought that a gentle reminder could do no harm... even if you guys hate me for that... haha... but i'm okay as long as you changed for good...

      i guess 'once hurt twice shy' theory had caused me to have someone dislike my behaviour... i had lost two once-close friendship... even though back in talking terms in both occassions... the after-effects still do affect my life... afraid that i would lose another one... Maybe i tried too hard... maybe im too sensitive... maybe i'm too weak & dependent... why would these things happens to anyone else? A question that i once been thinking and was reminded by Dz... i guess my character had a serious problem... Once my greatest asset, my eyes... may just turn out to be my weakest point... this is also the reason for me to speak more freely in front of the pc or through the phone...

      Maybe you guys had heard it many times... but all i'm showing is care... i do care... and i am worried... but maybe i'm over-zealous... and caused negative effects... as long as you guys are living happily... i'll be happy... no matter how i'm treated... 'cos i always believed that only true friends can tolerate one's angst... bring it on...